Life working at a funeral home – Tip of the Day

Tip of the Day  July 31, 2012

Crazy will get you no where!

Acting crazy, nuts, psycho, mean, etc…. will only make it more difficult to get what you want. This is not only pertaining to the funeral business, but in life, anyplace, anywhere….. I’m sure most have heard the saying “You can attract more flies with honey…”

If you do not get a long with your family or certain family members…that is NOT the funeral home’s fault and or problem! To be honest, I don’t care! I refuse to get in the middle. Do not come to us with issues that do not pertain to the actual funeral. If you had agreed to something with other family members but then YOU changed your mind but did not say anything to anyone about changing your mind..who is at fault? YOU ARE! Not the funeral home, not the funeral home employee or employees, not other family members…etc.

I can sympathize with what you may be going thru on the loss of your loved one. However, I cannot possibly imagine what exactly you feel unless I were to be in your shoes. Everyone handles grief differently. I can only be kind, sympathetic and try my best to make sure the funeral you are planning goes well and how you want it.

So again….being rude, mean, making threats….does NOT work.


8 Responses to “Life working at a funeral home – Tip of the Day”

  1. Howdy would you mind stating which blog platform
    you’re working with? I’m going to start my own blog soon but I’m having a tough time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I’m looking
    for something completely unique. P.S My apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!

  2. Thanks Bizz, I never got your message till now Bizz as I haven’t been on worldpress for a while. Have you my personal e-mail? I would like you to have it if you want. I have been so busy this past month. My husband is away in London, driving people for the olympics. I haven’t seen him at all and miss him so much. We haven’t been apart for more than 3 days in 9 years. And of course everything goes wrong…Cats to vets, flooded kitchen, a friend passing unexpectedly, no money to cover bills due to wages been under payed, the car needing tyres, MOT, servicing…you get the idea. Anyway he is back on Monday too.

    I don’t mind people that are needy or time consuming as long as they have MANNERS! My biggest pet hate. It cost nothing to say please or thank you and it doesn’t matter what class you are either. I am from a working class family, and if I didn’t ask properly as a child I would get a tap round the head. A bit of discipline is good for kids and something that is seriously lacking today. Shouting and swearing at your kid won’t do them any favors either, and honestly I don’t want to hear that as I’m walking down the street. It makes me cringe. Trashy Chavs! Vileness… Sorry went off on one there…lol

    Yes, I said to the lady this is a career choice. One which I would be looking to do full time. She said she would let me know of any jobs that come up first, provided I am comfortable after Mondays experience and want to pursue it. I’m excited, nervous, curious and a little bit scared. Just hope there is nothing too grim to start off with…

    A new chapter in my life calls for a new tattoo I think. Been through a lot these past few years and finally things are getting better. Since I can’t have crazy purple hair, I can get a tattoo that can be covered. I do have quite a few piercings in my ears. I hope they won’t mind if I wear my hair down or something. No one notices my tongue stud as its only small. I’m sure she will tell me if there is a problem. As long as I don’t turn up in my leather skirt, fishnets and a corset, I don’t think it will be an issue. ( I wore this in my previous job behind a bikers, rock pub in case you were wondering. Hahaha.)

    I wish people weren’t awful to you Bizz. Ask your boss to pass you the Valium. Hahahaha. My old boss used to say, as long as you share it! Or maybe we could put it in pig headed, stupid customers coffee and watch the vindictive just melt away. When we rule the world Bizz, this will be LAW. 😀

    Take care. X

    Thought of the day:- When the whole world is crazy, it doesn’t pay to be sane.

    • thefuneralbizz Says:

      Wow…when it rains it pours…always happens that way. My husband and I aren’t apart that much either. Even before we were married…hell even before we were a couple we were never apart long…lol We have known each other for 16 years now. Before we became ‘involved’ we had been very good friends.
      I don’t have your ‘personal’e-mail, i just tried e-mailing you at, the e-mail that comes up under your gravatar. is that your e-mail or do you have another that you usually use?
      it’s funny you mention disciplining children in public…i was at the store the other day.. and as soon as i walked in i could hear some kid screaming and yelling. then i seen her. she kept running around, jumping on the furniture in the furniture section, which was right by me, as i was walking down the main isle. i heard a woman keep saying ‘now, quit it..this is why i don’t bring you anywhere’. she wasn’t being adamant about what she was saying, she was just saying it like two people having a conversation. the brat kept it up too…finally the brat ran by me! then she ran between me and the shelf i was standing in front of and looked up at me, because apparently she wanted some attention. i looked over and it must have been her grandmother she was with, as the old woman said, where are you? and then looked the other way and kept walking…!!!! like she really gave two shits what this kid was doing…. so when the brat ran in front of me that time, I said “beat it! i ain’t as nice as gradma!” she just kept going and screaming and running and i could hear her thru the whole store! then at one point i was in a nother section and i hear this woman…LOUDLY saying “do you want me to take you out to the car?!? HUH, do you? you need to behave! I need you to sit down and behave! I said BEHAVE or your going to the car”! THEN, I hear her talking to another person she was with…she says “will you go get the sales person…this is bullshit! i am sick of waiting! she is being a pain in the ass and won’t listen and i need to get the fuck outta here”! NICE language that EVERYONE in the near vacinity could hear! and again, she started with the “do you want to go to the car!” I said….”I want you to go to the car”! the lady down the isle from me snickered at that! I am tired of being quite and ‘appropriate’ and having manners and saying please and thank you and etc etc etc….when no one else around me does or no one around me cares! it is actually tiring! I had a bad experience at work today… i will blog about it later, but i am sick of people treating me like shit and i have to take it! especially when conducting business on the phone…i am nice and pleasant on the phone and i get these bitches i have to deal with who obviously hate their jobs so they are just down right rude! Today…i just gave it right back! and it felt good!
      what kind of tattoo are you thinking of getting? something funeral homish? is homish even a word?? lol you know what i mean tho, right!?!
      Let me know how it all goes on Monday!! I am excited to hear about your day. I am sure all will be find. its pretty normal to be nervous your first day. after a few days it will seem like you have been there forever! as far as hoping your first day is not ‘grim’, it may be better to start out with the worse than the best. it will also get easier to deal with people who are sad, crying, upset, etc..
      So happy for you!
      Talk to you on Monday!

      • Yes Bizz, thats my personal one. Someone added me… Was that you? Sorry, I’m trying to be as vauge as possible.

        People are just unbelievable at times. There is a time and a place. When I’m in the pub just with my ex- colleagues and friends and we are having a beer, I might be telling them a story, a rude joke or something and it’s fine to say what you think, swear a bit etc. Obviously when there are no average punters in. We get a mix of people. Regulars, yes, am I know them too. It’s a bikers pub. My Dad is a biker and that’s how we are. No frills, heirs or graces but in public it’s different. Even now, my Dad would still clip me round the ear for being anything other than polite in public. It’s how I was brought up.

        I’m glad you are giving back what you get. Working with the public is so draining. My tolerance level is’t what t used to be. I get through by taking the piss out of them with out them realizing, cigarettes and gin. Gin when I’m not at work, obviously. Hahaha.

        16 years…That’s lovely Bizz. I met mine when I was 16 and we are still going strong. Mine drives me round the bend at times but I wouldn’t be without him. I’m sure I drive him mad too at times.

        Funeral homish…I like it. Hahaha. I’m thinking of a zombie cat actually. But I want a few to be honest. I just haven’t had the money to get them done till now. I want in arabic writing “something beautiful is never perfect”. (I’m 1/4 Egyptian, despite blonde hair and blue eyes.) A gothic butterfly for my granddad’s passing. a guitar because I love rock music. (I even called my cat Ozzy) and it means freedom, rebellion and expression to me. My Dad played songs to me as a child on the guitar which I loved too. I have thought of a few more but I don’t want too many but the above are for sure. I already have a gothic heart for when I was married and a gothic purple rose that I designed. Have you any Bizz?

        By ‘grim’ I am thinking worse case scenario. I don’t want to have to help prepare a child or baby for a funeral. I don’t want to see anyone who is badly decomposed. I want to help them and get an understanding of different aspects of the job but it will take time for me to be able to deal with such things. I don’t think they would do that to me. Not on my first day as a volunteer!

        I’m sure I will get used to people being upset. I make a very good cup of tea and a good listener. I also make wicked chocolate chip muffins but I don’t think they would want one. Cake does always make me feel better though. Hehehe.

        Updated my blog on recent work events. Hope you get your bad experiences off your chest Bizz.

        Talk Monday. x

        Valium hugs to you. Haha!

  3. Admin Asst. Says:

    Ah yes, the family turmoi scenario. Been there, done that. It’s really too bad that people choose to act badly at the time of a loved one’s passing. I don’t know why they can’t wait until after the funeral to air their grievances against other family members. But some people like to use the death of a family member as an excuse to act badly.

    We’ve had numerous occaisions when family members have tried to pull the funeral home into their dramas and the funeral directors simply tell them “We are not getting in the middle. We are dealing with the informant only. If you have any changes or input please let the informant know and run it past him/her.”

    We had an incident a few months ago where the children of a man who passed away wanted him to be buried, his wife (the informant) wanted him cremated. The kids tried to get us to bury him but the FD advised that their mother had final say. There was quite a bit of arguing during the arrangements (like this poor elderly woman needed the added stress of her insensitive offspring). She stuck to her guns, and her husband was cremated. But it didn’t end there, after the cremation, the kids wanted the cremains divided among all of them and their mother. The mother wanted the cremains intact to be put into a mausoleum. So more arguments and calls to the funeral home. Finally, in the end, the cremains went where the wife wanted them to go, intact.

    • thefuneralbizz Says:

      I’m glad you understand my “our” pain…. I absolutley hate when people cause a scene or start arguing inside the funeral home! How come these issues are not discussed BEFORE arriving to the funeral home to make the arrangements….or even better….BEFORE the actual day of funeral! We tell people the same thing…we only speak with the informant! As a matter of fact, when the family arrives for arrangements, that is one of the very first things we ask…”who is the person in charge, the next of kin, the person who will be handeling any and all arrangements, this is the person we will call, talk to if any changes are to be made, anything added to the bill, etc…! Most of the time the informant is also the person paying the bill however, we have had instances where the informant is not the one paying the bill, maybe a friend or a relative is paying the bill, BUT, we will still only speak with the informant, just because someone else is paying the bill (maybe the informant does not have alot of money, etc…) does not entitle them to decision making when it comes to ‘what type’ of funeral it will be.

      • Hi Bizz. More fun and games I see. Well as from next Monday I will be a volunteer at a local funeral home. I really can’t wait. The arranger said she will go through some things with me and I will be shown how to handle the deceased, lifting health and safety etc.

        When I rang her she asked me why I wanted to work in the funeral industry, what experiences I had to help me, how old I was, (she sounded pleased I was 25 and not some kid) all of which I answered professionally and without hesitation (I wrote everything down I wanted to say so I wouldn’t go blank. All of which she was impressed with and offered my one day a week to volunteer on my day off from my full time job. Without even seeing me she was confident in my interest and experiences.

        I’m so happy Bizz, and I would like to thank you so much for your help. You have given me so much info and guidance. I was able to tell her things that made her realize I wasn’t just another work experience kid, who would run a mile after been shown various parts of the business.

        So now we can compare notes Bizz and rant about stupid ignorant people. Hahaha…

        Also straight off, when she answered, I said, “Hello, I hope I haven’t caught you at an inconvenient time.” She said “Emh, no now is fine, thanks for asking.” I thought it best to ask given others are so ignorant. I think she was blown away. Let’s hope all goes as planned on Monday.

        Thanks again Bizz. I raise my gin and tonic to you…

        Take care.x

        Thought of the day:- If you think education is expensive, try ignorance

      • thefuneralbizz Says:

        OMG! That is sooooooo AWESOME! I am SO SO HAPPY for you! You did all on your own! no need to thank me…although I appreciate it very very very very much! You will do great, I know it!
        I was wondering where you have been….? I have been looking at your blog here and there and haven’t seen anything new…I also tried e-mailing you some time ago, but don’t know if you ever received it…??
        It’ll be fun to compare notes…altho I hope you and wish for you to only have nice families ALL the time!!!! But…even tho families are nice, sometimes they are just a lot of work, needy, time consuming….but thats our job…like it or not.
        oh…do you know if this will lead to a more permanent position in the future? I Hope so!

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