Tip of the Day 2/23/2012 – Information, Directions, and Processions!


Tip of the Day for February 23, 2012 – Information, Directions, and Processions!

A Funeral Home is not a ‘Information Line’.  I cannot begin to tell you how many times I get calls from people asking me for phone number! And not just to other funeral homes! Weird! I don’t have time to look up phone numbers! Another tip, I am not a directions expert either! I do not know where every single cemetery is located. I may know of many cemeteries, and have been to them, but to give exact directions for every person who calls and asks me how to get there…..I don’t know! I have to go to the computer and pull it up on Google Maps or Map Quest, whatever! Same goes for Churches! But the number one thing that I get ALOT of is when people call the funeral home and say to me “I am looking for so and so and I don’t know what funeral home he/she is at, could you tell me if he/she is at your funeral home, and if he/she is not at your funeral home, can you look up on your “data base” and tell me where he/she is”?  REALLY? There is NO DATA BASE that I can pull up! NONE! I received a call from some woman today wanting to know where her friend was being shown and she gave me her name and said “I KNOW that you can look up where a person is being layed out at in your surrounding area, so can you tell me please where she may be and if you can’t find her in this area, is there anyway you can find out if she’s someplace out of the immediate area?” REALLY!?!?!? I told her there is no such thing and I have NO WAY of knowing where her friend is at. I told her that I would have to go search for her on the web by going to each individual funeral homes website to see if she is listed and that I could not possibly sit there and go thru all of them including other ones out of the immediate area! She was not happy that I could not do this for her. I’m pretty sure she thought I was lying to her about it. I told her I would Google her name to see if she showed up in any obits, then I gave her a name and number to  a funeral home in the area she “thought” she was in.  

So, don’t call a funeral home because you are looking for the phone number to a Plumber, Dentist, or the closest 7-Eleven! Don’t call a funeral home for them to check their “data base” to see where so and so is being shown”. And….I have to look up directions just as you would have to.  OH….and if I do give you directions don’t question them! I am looking at a computer screen reading them to you….also, when I give you directions and I have told you that I do not know exactly where this place is because I have never been there and you KNOW I am looking them up for you, don’t ask me once you turn on to whatever street how many miles down is before you have to turn on the next street. (i know that on google maps it gives you approximate miles between each street, but I don’t have time to sit there and go over it all with you!) And PLEASE do NOT call me while you are already on the express way! Why didn’t you check for directions before you left your house?!?! Or the night before! It’s one thing if you are calling for directions to our funeral home, but even then, it depends where you are coming from! Just as you do not know the area the funeral home is in, we do not know the area you are coming from!

One last thing……….When you will be driving in a procession, PLEASE pay attention! I cannot stress this enough! You MUST get into your vehicles immediately after exiting the funeral home or church! We do not say this just to waste our breath! Also, please listen when the Director or driver gives you instructions. You can sit and bullshit with your Aunt Bertha at the freaking luncheon while you are stuffing your neck with free food NOT in the parking lot while we are trying to get your asses into your vehicles so you can be SAFE while driving in a procession. The other drivers out there are NOT paying “enough” attention to what is going on and there are way too many idiots on the roads who do not realize that they are cutting into a procession, which by the way is illegal, so you have to make sure you are paying attention and staying as close but safe behind the person in front of you. You do not need to stop at red lights! You just follow along! If the Hearse stops, you stop! If the Hearse keeps going, you keep going! When leaving the parking lot to start the procession paying attention to the person who is standing in the middle of the road blocking traffic is a MUST! Especially if  it is on a busy road! We have a 4 lane major road that we are on! We have to stand in the middle of that road with a Stop sign so all the vehicles can exit our lot safely! So when you are not paying attention it SUCKS and it screws up the whole procession and we become irritated. So if you are lined up and you are the first car in that row and we are waving you on to pull out …. GO! Just freaking GO! If you aren’t paying attention, we will move on to the next row just to keep the procession going with no gaps. So this may cause some problems especially if you are family and were suppose to be say the 4th or 5th car behind the Hearse. If you weren’t paying attention and you saw that we were irritated with you and maybe skipped you and went on to the next row and then back to you when you were paying attention or if we had to yell at you to GO, DO NOT come back to us and complain that we were rude to you or yelled at you or you were suppose to be behind Uncle Bob in the procession! Its your fault NOT ours!

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2 Responses to “Tip of the Day 2/23/2012 – Information, Directions, and Processions!”

  1. What I love, about giving directions, is when someone calls and their GPS has taken them somewhere in the country and they want directions to the funeral home and you ask them where they are and say something like “Oh, I just passed a Dunkin Donuts.” Great, but we have 10 Dunkin Donuts in and around the city!

    A few years back, a funeral home in another town didn’t have their number listed in the phone book for some reason and we got calls all year long “I can’t find XYZ Funeral Home in the phone book, do you have their phone number?”

    • thefuneralbizz Says:

      yep, i have had that! then you say “which Dunkin Donuts?” they act as if YOU should know which one! because they are having a bad day and are lost, then they want you to have a bad day! i’m sure this happens in every business in which you have to deal with the public, what i don’t get is why people think that if you call or walk in to a funeral home we HAVE to be nice! At my old job, years ago, I guess another business had an ad out in the paper and there was a misprint and the numbers for their phone number got transposed and it was our phone number that was in the ad. So that was great! I kept getting calls for some car dealership and when I would answer ‘so and so funeral home’ they would say ‘oh, this isn’t blah blah blah?’ of course at first i had no idea what had happened, so when i would say ‘no, im sorry you have the wrong number, this is so and so funeral home’, the people would start getting pissed because they would say I am trying to reach such and such business and this is the number that is listed/in the ad…well, geeee, sorry! i didn’t place the ad! then they would proceed to ask me what the ‘real’ phone number is! how the hell do i know!

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