working….working…at a funeral home..blah blah blah

just getting more and more frustrated with people by the day! do you have any idea how hard it is to have a family who is “suppose” to call to finalize arrangements or even an appt. for the arrangement? then in the meantime, we get other calls and we have to schedule their appointments and then you call and want to come in at the same time or near the same time! errghhh….it sucks. WE HAVE OTHER FAMILIES NOT just YOU! and we are not going to promise you that you can a certain day because, guess what? YOU haven’t come in to FINALIZE and the other family has! You are no more important then the other family. I don’t care if your loved one is 25, 47, 72, or 105… are all the same to me. If you cannot make a decision then first come first serve. YES, even in the funeral business! Then don’t turn around and want everything done in a minute either! do you really want us to rush the funeral? to get things done? you think by putting pressure on us is your way of getting “back” at us, but really, it is only going to upset YOU!

If you are not a Funeral Director, then please don’t act like one! Don’t walk in and start telling me how I am supposed to do my job and tell me that you know this and that. Because I am sitting in front of you, laughing to myself and thinking what an asshole you really are. That you think you are showing off in front of your family and myself. You aren’t. You are only making me laugh at you and think what a dumbass you are for coming in to my business and telling me how to run it. I know what I am doing and the people who work there know what they are doing (well, with the exception of the dumb ass “new” co-worker who isn’t necessarily new anymore but one would think so). I am trying to tell you that if you want a Saturday burial that you will have to pay more at the cemetery for opening and closing. You keep telling me that in ALL your years of having to plan funerals that you have never heard of such a thing. Here is the phone, I will dial the cemetery number, would like to speak to them yourself? JERK!  Oh, and bring along the rest of your fine family too. I see where they get their attitude from. Maybe you should also teach them to dress and talk properly too. Your daughter is a skank, if you haven’t noticed. Nice tank top in the middle of winter with all the world to see her boobs hanging out because apparently she left the house this morning an forgot to wear a bra. I don’t know, maybe she was about 20 years old? The mouth on her was something to be heard as well. And you just let her talk that way? Good for you, good parenting! OH, and her kid…..that she wasn’t paying attention to. Do you really think I feel like telling YOUR kids kid to get the FUCK out of my desk? he was this close to getting his fat little hand smacked….BY ME! and whoever the hell the other guy with you was, well, lets just say I think you may want to buy him a toothbrush. Hopefully I do not have to see you people again. I hope and pray that I am not there when you have your visitation or funeral services. Although, you seemed to think that paying $2700 for a FULL funeral was too much…..WHAT? are you kidding me? You want a whole day, right and the next day a funeral service, right? and that was too much. Where have you paid less? UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

On to the other people who work with me. Maybe you should just do things on your own, ya know, like not actually have to be asked to do them! Just take it upon yourself to do it! It shows initiative! Don’t just sit on your ass and say you have nothing to do, because there is ALWAYS something to do!

The day of the funeral, if starting at the funeral home. Say the funeral is to start at 11am. Okay, would you really come at 9am? I mean, you can, but no one else is probably going to be there yet. Anyway. You usually show up about an hour early. And at 11am, the priest, minister, pastor will begin services. Once he is finished, if you are going to have a mass at church, then EVERYONE is expected to pass by the casket and LEAVE! go to YOUR CARS DO NOT stand in the hallway! GO TO YOUR CARS NOW! GO ON! GO! we are trying to get you out so the family can have a few minutes to themselves and we are going to try to remove whatever items need to be removed from the casket then shut the casket. Then we will open the doors back up and push the casket to the vestibule where the pall bearers should be waiting and load the casket into the hearse. Everyone is expected to have their bright headlights on and follow in a close manner to the church. Same thing after church, follow to the cemetery! NOT all service are graveside! More than not, they are at the cemetery chapel and that is it. No going to the burial site to witness burial, if you want to witness, you must request to do so!

I really hope that some people read this and understand that there is certain etiquette for funerals. I know I sound bitchy and mean, it is just that over and over and over and over and over again, I have to tell people these things over and over and over and over again………..! I mean, we make it pretty clear to those who have shown up for the services. The Director will stand in front of the whole room and actually say “The family would like to thank those of you who have attended today. At this time they would like that everyone pass by the casket to pay their last respects to so and so. We will start with those in the back of the chapel and then please exit thru the side doors and then exit to your vehicles to follow in the procession to such and such church, please turn on your bright lights.” Is that clear? Or am I missing something? It’s not like there are a lot of people talking in the chapel while the director is saying this, it is actually really quite (yes I am being sarcastic). Also with the way people dress. I just cannot get over it. No matter how long I have worked at a funeral home, not matter how many people I see dressed like trash, It just amazes me every time I see it. I can’t believe that people think it is okay to wear jeans that are showing your ass crack. Thank tops, flip flops, dirty wrinkled clothing, etc……..I am sitting here shaking my head this very moment because I just can’t get over it.

We also include a casket with some of our packages, no you may not pick another one for the same price. If you do, then the price goes up. I don’t care if you don’t like the casket that comes with the package. If you want another one, then you will have to pay the price difference. Why is that so hard to understand? And yes, you need a vault! Go ahead Mr. Knowitall and call the cemetery to make sure we aren’t “taking you for a ride” when we tell you that you need a vault. Also, I can see your skank daughter rolling her eyes at me. And she is lucky that I am being a professional and a polite individual otherwise if we were any place else I would have got up and smacked her face so hard she would be cross-eyed for the rest of her life.

Good Day!


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