What are you wearing……?

Why is it that people think that they are at “home” when they are at a Funeral Home? Of course we want you to feel comfortable, but running around in your socks? bringing in a pair of slippers to wear? or just going barefoot? disgusting! I wouldn’t walk barefoot in that place! We keep the place clean, for sure, but we don’t get the carpets cleaned after each and every funeral. and to top it off you were only there for 2 hours! that was the whole length of you funeral! Slipper girl…hmmmm, nice fuzzy purple slippers with your black dress. You were only there for four hours, that was the length of the Memorial service.  Sock person, again, we don’t clean the carpets after every funeral. Your socks were grey, unbelievable! This is not you home! So, let me continue to add that when bringing in your children for the duration of the visitation and funeral, KEEP AN EYE ON THEM! DO NOT let them run around and scream on top of their lungs, ESPECIALLY right outside my office door! I cannot hear people when the call on the phone because your little rugrats are screaming and playing a game of hide and go seek! AND NO THEY CANNOT play the piano! The piano is not a toy but you just let them bang a way on it. Thanks! For some unknown reason people think that just because they are at a funeral home they do not have to watch their children. I am NOT a babysitter and I refuse to watch your kids! I will in fact yell at them when I see fit. If they come into my office or they get on my nerve I will shoot them a dirty look. usually I will get up and shut my office door, which then gets the attention of some “adult” standing around and then they tell the kids to pipe down and go play in the back. Although that never lasts long anyway, the brats still find their way back up front. Then I get the parents who like to yell at their kids in front of everyone. So basically, the parent is making just as much if not more noise than the kids are. usually the kids are loud and obnoxious because their parents are loud and obnoxious. I would imagine if I were at your home and I let my kids act that way, you wouldn’t appreciate it. Also to those of you who don’t give a rats ass if your kids keep going in and out of the doors, well, your kids is going to be as flat as a pancake once they get hit by a car, because we are on a BUSY 4 lane road! What are you thinking? DO NOT bring your kids if you are not going to watch them. I don’t care if it is their grandparent, Aunt, etc up their in that casket, if they are not going to behave then as a parent you the responsibility to shut your kids up or get them the hell out of the funeral home. Not everyone enjoys seeing you heathens run around and scream for hours at a time. Better yet, go ahead and let them drink the mountain dew, pepsi, whatever pop you HAD to bring in, because lord only  knows you are stuck here for 2 hours, give me a break! then go ahead and let them eat all the cookies cousin Betty brought in….because they certainly need more sugar to annoy the rest of us!  Speaking of food, gee go figure. IF you bring in food, take it with you when you leave! why on earth would you leave food in our sink to sit there overnight so when I come in the next morning the bag of ice you brought in is still in the sink along with some food you apparently did not feel like taking home and figured, it isn’t my home, so I don’t care. All the food is now soaked with water and disgusting? why would you do that? why would you spill something on the floor, like pop or coffee and just leave it? we supply all the paper towel you could ever get your hands on, but you just leave it. why could you not come get who is working and say, we accidentally spilled something, that person will get up and clean it for you! or if you spilled some food, why not pick it up instead of just kicking it with your foot behind the trash can? you really couldn’t bend over and pick it up and put it in the trash can? is that what your home looks like? We also have a few toys in the back for brats to play with, well if you use them put them away, I don’t appreciate finding bits and pieces of Lego’s in the plants on the tables in the hall way (along with your gum, because you were too lazy to put in a tissue and throw in one of the 20 trash cans we have around the place). Dirty nasty people! never cease to amaze me! But then there are always the ones who never bring in any food or even think about leaving the chapel where the deceased is displayed and spend their entire time there in the lounge eating and smoking. YOU are there for a reason, the pay your respects to the deceased. I know I have said this a million and one times here, but that is what you are there for! What are you paying us for if you are going to sit in a lounge to drink, smoke and eat all day and night? May as well just go to the bar! SERIOUSLY! I cringe when families arrive and one person after another from the family comes thru those doors with coolers and bags and boxes of FOOD and DRINK! Are you camping out here? During visitation time, you are there to greet those who came to pay their respects to the deceased. They should arrive, sign the guest book, take a prayer card or folder, approach the casket and then speak with the family. THEN LEAVE! Simple isn’t it? No need to sit around. No need to have your dinner at the funeral home. Simply leave. You came and paid your respects, you made an appearance, now go! But what makes this so hard? I guess I can guess that over half the time, the person who they are looking for (their friend or relative) is somewhere in the lounge stuffing their fat neck with god knows what. OR they decided to go outside and have a smoke. So, now we have a person/s who is looking for the person they need to speak with roaming aimlessly throughout the funeral home. And guess where they sometimes come asking for this person? Yeah, you guessed it, my office. Or they ask the greeter (an employee who usually works in the evening ONLY greeting people as they arrive to the funeral home to direct them to the correct chapel or to take coats, etc) HOW the fuck do I know where Bobby so and so is at because that is the person you know from the family. I do not know every single person who belongs to the deceased. I only know those people who came to make arrangements for the deceased. Since everyone feels the need to leave their cell phones on at the funeral home (even during the actual service, rosary and or vigil) go ahead and call them, they can’t be more than a few feet away.  And I am sure we will all be able to hear whatever gay ass song they have as their ring tone. Because no one ever thinks to put their phones on at least vibrate when at a funeral home…….I mean why would you do that?

If and when you call a funeral home because someone has passed away and you are calling to make an appointment to schedule a time to come to make those funeral arrangements, make sure that you schedule a time that is good for you! IF I say, I am sorry, I do not have anyone available at that time, can we make it this time, please either say yes or no. DO NOT say hang on and ask a crowded room full of people if it is a good time and leave me hanging on the phone for 5 minutes while all 10 of you trying to figure it out. I have other things to tend it. My other line is ringing. Whatever. CALL ME BACK. If you call and you schedule something the next day say around 1pm, don’t go someplace else before that , like say the cemetery that is 30 miles away then call me and say that you are not going to be finished up there in time to make it to me by 1pm, so can we come in at 2pm, and I say “no, we have another appointment at 3pm, so it will not give us enough time for you arrangement, can you maybe make it tomorrow then?” Then you say okay we will be there by 1:30pm, and I say “ok”. But then at 1pm you call me and say you aren’t going to make it by 1:30pm now either so you know that there is a 3pm appt. Just make sure that you allow yourself time in the first place. YOU know you are coming to us at 1pm, so just make sure that you give yourself time to make that appt. Don’t drive someplace too far away, the cemetery can be taken care of AFTER the funeral arrangements at the funeral home are done. Usually we can contact the cemetery for you and  get all the cosst over the phone, and then you can go out the cemetery because we will let the cemetery know that you are coming. We have other families, not just you! believe it or not! We have to give them the same amount of time as we would with you. They are also planning a funeral for someone they have just lost. And if you are not a funeral director yourself, then don’t act like one! One of my biggest pet peeves are people who come in who think they know it all. Just because you know someone who recently planned a funeral, someplace else, does not make you an expert. So, please do not tell us how to do our jobs. I don’t come to your place of employment and tell you how to do your job.

4 Responses to “What are you wearing……?”

  1. parlor pal Says:

    O JOY!!! Summer is almost here ! Who needs a fashion magazine to fine the latest in beachwear ?? or the coolest flip flops? or the newest body part to pierce? Not us! We just have to go to work — oh, for some of you older gals, what the heck ever happened to pantyhose ?

    • parlor pal Says:

      Hope I didnt sound mean but the mall is down the street–you are in a funeral home!! A little respect would be nice. and hay–if you came looking for Johnny Stud, your in the wrong place. GET WITH IT !!!!!!!

  2. thefuneralbizz Says:

    i am so glad that you share my pain!! and i agree, it is an epidemic…country wide! how come only certain people see this? i just shake my head in disbelief at people.

  3. parlor pal Says:

    That is what happens when we have an epidemic of stupidity and irresponsibility.Have many first hand accounts and many more to come. Thought it was something in our water but appears to be country wide. Why dont people understand a funeral home is a place of business??? One consolation if I dare—and yes I do—all of these idiots will die sometime . Some not soon enough. Evening hostess.

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