Make up your minds! for the love of (insert name here)

uuhhhh……..I don’t understand why it is so hard to make a plan and stick to it, especially a funeral. let me explain something here. When someone dies, you come to the funeral home to make arrangements (Schedule and appointment by calling FIRST – just a reminder) you sit down with the Director. Usually the first thing we will ask regarding the funeral itself is, are you going to have cremation or burial, then we proceed from there. Okay, now, we ask do you want any visitation and if so would you like a day, 2 days? okay, then say you chose 2 days. What type of hours would you like? usually when having a 2 day, you do 4 (family) 5 – 9pm, next day 12-9pm, then on the 3rd day would be the actually funeral. Okay, say they chose those hours above, fine. Are you thinking of having a rosary or vigil on one of those evenings? Usually they are scheduled anywhere between 5pm and 7:30pm on the last night of visitation,. Okay, so, they pick the second day at 6:30pm. Fine. Now, what time and where would you like the actual funeral service to be held? A few options here. You can have the actually service at the Funeral Home, Church, or cemetery, or you really don’t even have to have an actual service (some people are not religious and do not find this necessary, some don’t even go to the cemetery for the burial, we will just drop off the deceased at our convenience). Do you want a procession to the Church, cemetery? or do you just want to meet at the church then go to cemetery or just meet at cemetery? Say you choose to just meet at the cemetery at 10am the day of the funeral. Have a small service at cemetery. OKAY, so that is done. Besides picking out a casket, vault, prayer folders, thank you cards, flowers (we can order them for you or you can go to your flower shop and order them yourself?), death notice, clergy (Priest, Minister, Reverend – do you have one you are going to contact or are we going to try to get one for you?) was the deceased a veteran, if so do you want a military service? If you do, we will need a copy of  discharge papers. Clothing, you ‘can’ purchase clothing thru the funeral home or you can bring in clothing (including underclothes, shoes are optional), you need to bring them to us as soon as possible! any jewelry, religious articles anything else you want in the casket. How many copies of the Certified Death Certificate (Death certificates are available to ANYONE, if you walk into a city clerks office in the city where the deceased passed, they will give you one no matter who you are, for a fee, we charge you ONLY what the city would charge). OKAY, so now my work begins. First things first. I order the casket so it will be delivered ON TIME. I order the vault ( I have to give the vault company the funeral service times so it is delivered to the cemetery ON TIME). If we are getting clergy for you, I have to start calling around to see who will or who is available to do it. I call the cemetery to give them the a time that we will be arriving for the funeral service/burial so they know to expect us (if I don’t call it in, then there is NO funeral). I have to get the doctor information for the death certificate (who is signing the death cert. and when can a rep. from the funeral home come to the office/hospital/nursing facility, to get it signed – then we have to take it to the city clerks office to have it certified and pay). I have to order your flowers (if you chose to order thru us), I have to write the death notice/obituary and fax/e-mail it to the paper (they have deadlines!!), I have to type up the proper permits. If you brought in the clothing with you, I have to tag the clothing and make a list of what is there including any jewelry, I have to get the printing done for the prayer cards/folders, if you decided you wanted a sign in book, I have to get that out and set aside with your things as well as any Thank you cards. I have to call our cleaning company to let them know days and times when they should arrive to clean (after every day of viewing they have to come to clean so it is prepared again for the following day), I have to call employees to work the evening shift, since there will be visitation in the evening, and we call those people “greeters”.  If you decided you wanted a military service, I have to contact the Honor Guard and see if they are available to do a service on the day and times you chose for the funeral. I have to give them a bunch of information. Then I have to fill out a flag application so that you get a flag on the day of the funeral (goes to the next of kin) – then I get a flag out, and depending on whether or not you want the flag folded and placed in the casket or draped on the casket, I have to fold the flag, if you decide to have it draped, then I get it out and iron it, so I can drape  it on the casket when the body is brought into the chapel. We also offer to post the obit. on our website, so if you wanted it on the web ,then I have to get that done. These things are ALL time sensitive and have to be done NOW! Usually “most” people want the funeral visitation to begin either the next day or within the next two days. So things move along pretty quick. I have to make sure that all of these things get done, get done FAST and get done RIGHT! Not only am I working on “just” the funeral arrangements you just made, BUT, I may also be working on another families arrangements, sometimes 2 other families ALL at the same time. Plus, answering the phones, taking care of other office duties, such as billing, entering information into the computer, etc……  So, as you can see, when you decide on the times you want it is crucial that those times to not change. If you decide that you need them changed, it can and will be done, BUT, I have to go back and make all of those phone calls over and let each and every person I spoke with know that they are changed. The cemetery, the clergy, flower shop (for delivery), Military, death notice (which may just be too late), etc…  THEN, there are those people, friends, relatives, who have already called to get times for your loved one. AND, I have already given the original times out to many people ( sometimes people call before the family even arrives for the arrangements, especially older folks, they are ON TOP of shit like this). So, it is very hard to change any times on anything. It can be done, but it really screws  shit up. It isn’t me just erasing a number on paper, so when I try to explain to you that it is going to be difficult since ALL of this has already been verified and set, don’t give me an attitude. Just because your Aunt Sally from Texas won’t be able to fly in until the day of the funeral but not arrive until 11am and services are scheduled at the cemetery for 10:30am………….TOO BAD. Aunt Sally is unfortunately going to miss it or arrive late. The cemeteries work well with us, but you have to remember and have consideration for other families. Cemeteries usually schedule burials one right after another, so in a smaller cemetery, ONE AT A TIME! In a larger cemetery, usually they do more than one at a time, but then again, depending on how many they handle, you may be out of luck. If I try to reschedule, then you may be looking at 2:30pm instead of 10:30am And all of these people who think that the funeral is at 10:30am….well you get my drift, right. Then who is to say that the minister, priest, etc will be available any later, they also have schedules to keep as well as the Honor Guard. PLEASE keep the times you set, if it is absolutely necessary, well, shit happens, but just because ONE person isn’t able to make it, too bad so sad. The funeral is for the deceased (and for the immediate family) NO ONE ELSE! No one else is footing the bill. YOU ARE! Same with the whole food business, don’t feel that you have to bring in an assload of food because people may be hungry when they come to the funeral home. You know what, they are there to pay their respects to the deceased and comfort the family. NOT TO EAT. The family we just had just insisted on changing things up until the last minute. To top it off the family, well, at least the daughter of the deceased, is very ‘pushy’ and irritating because apparently she thinks she knows it all. They are a returning family, in the past year alone they have buried 3 people with us. Okay, they have spent quite alot of money with us, BUT, if they were to go someplace else, they would have to spend alot of money with another funeral home. We take that into consideration, and do discount certain items, knowing that this family will continue to do business with us in the future. BUT, just because you know you have spend alot of money with us, do not feel the need to keep bringing it up to us, like we are suppose to say okay, well, you have buried 3 people here over the last year, so this one is free – buy 3 get the 4th free? NO, it doesn’t  work that way. Oh, and also DO NOT tell me that my boss is “going ” to do something for you just because you have spent thousands of dollars at our funeral home. We aren’t going to do anything “special” for you except discount something.

To the “new” employee – YOUR NOT NEW anymore – so fucking do the work! Quit whining every time  I say something to the boss. YOU should know how to do the fucking work by now. Get over it or GET OUT!

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