Well the other day I was talking about the inbred family……….I didn’t have to really deal with them while they were there for the viewing, thank the Lord! BUT, the other day the pain in the ass sister came in to pick up the cremated remains. First off let me say that when they were there making the funeral arrangements, they chose a package that included a casket for viewing. Well, they wanted to look at the casket so ‘she” could “approve” of it. I HEARD her say she wanted to see it. So, as the light to the display rooms goes on she starts freaking out, saying “No, I am NOT going in there, why are you taking me in here, I cannot go in there and see that , no, no…..I am walking away, this is awful”. Ooookkkkaaaaayyyyyyy……………..Uhhhhh, hmmmmmmmmm, you did just say you wanted to see the freaking casket, right?!? So, the rest of the inbreds look at the casket and come out and tell her what it looks like and that it looks fine, but of course she is questioning them about it. Whatever……………so this brings me to the other day when she showed up to pick up the cremains. The door bell rings. I get up to answer it. I see who it is and as I walk toward the door I am swearing under my breath. I unlock the door and and say “hello” (i knew what she was there for, but decided to act dumb) and “what can I help you with today”.  her first words are “ugghhhh, why is the door locked are you not open, the sign says that you are open from 9am-7pm?” I say “oh, yes, we are open, but we keep the doors locked when we do not have any visitation or funerals going on”. she says “uhhh, whatever, I am so and so, and I am here to pick up the ashes of so and so and I want to see some urns as well, where are they? I know that the ashes come in a temorary box, but I do not want that, I want to see the box though too”. I say, “okay, well lets go into the office and I will get the temporary urn and I have a paper for you to sign, go ahead and head into the 3 rd door on the left and I will be in right behind you.” she says “why do I have to sign anything, I don’t sign papers, I did not sign anything when i was here for the arrangements and I said at that time, that I do not sign anything.” I say (as i am walking into the office with the cremated remains that are in the temporary urn) ” the paper that you have to sign is stating that you are the one who picked up the cremated remains of so and so, it is for the funeral homes records and protects us as well as you, and here is the temporary container”. she says “you know who I am, I do not really have to prove to you that I picked them up” I say “if you don’t sign, we will not release the cremated remains to you” she says ” uhhhhhhhhh, give me a pen then since there isn’t one here, of course”. I say “there is one right here” she signs the paper and pushes it across the desk at me and I politley say “thank you”. she then says “well, you brought in the temporary box, you didn’t bring in the ashes and I asked to see the urns.” I say “the cremains are in the temporary urn, and we can go into the display room and take a look at the urns”. she says “well, I said I did not want that temporary box, so why are the ashes in the box?” I say “that is how they are delivered to us, all we have to do is transfer the cremains into the urn you choose.” she says again “uhhhhhh, whatever, let me see what you have, now that you had me come in here, when I wanted to see the urns”. I take her into the room with our urns and she looks around and says to me “why is this so much (pointing to a expensive engraved wood urn), I say “well, that is how much the company charges for them, it is wood, it is engraved with a design, that is just the price.” she says “well, what do you mean, the company charges for it, you sell them so why do you charge so much for it.” I say “we do not manufacture the urns here, we have a comapny we order from, you can order any urn you see here or in the catalog, we order it for you, if you want a design on it or engraving you can do so, but it cost extra for those things”. she says “i just purchased this very urn about a year ago for $75, so why is it now $290?” I say “that urn has never sold for under $230, so I don’t know where you purchased that urn for $75 but if you can purchase it from the same place, I certainly would do so again!” she wasn’t happy that I said that. So, in the end she chose the least expensive urn we have available, and one that we actually keep instock. Thank God, because she wasn’t happy when I told her that if she chose anything but that one we would have to order it and it would be a few days before it would be to us.  So, she asks “well, are you going to fill the urn then, can I watch?” I said “yes, I am going to do it for you right now, you can follow me.” So, she follows me again, sighing all the way. I go to remove the bag of cremains from the temporary urn and she starts freaking out. “oh my God, I don’t want to see the ashes, why are you doing that in front of me? I have to leave, I need to go in the other room, eww, disgusting.” I put the bag of cremains in the new urn and got the receipt out of the book ( as fast as I could so I could get rid of this crazy bitch), went out to the hall and said I am all done, I just need your payment please. she says “oh, umm, $75 right?” I say “umm, no, $106, there is tax added on and the cost of the urn is $100” she says “I told you that I could get that other urn for $75, so i chose that one so you wouldn’t charge me so much.” At this point I am just dumbfounded. I am at the point that I just cannot take it anymore. I really have a hard time understanding her in the first place because she doesn’t talk right anyway, and i am getting more and more pissed off at her attitude.  So, I say “just because you can purchase an urn that costs over $200 elsewhere but decide to purchase a cheaper urn thru us, does not constitute us charging you what you “could” pay elsewhere, if you want this urn it is a total of $106 due right now, if you want to get the urn someplace else, you are more than welcome to do so, you can take the temporary urn with you with the cremains in it and have whoever you purchase the urn from transfer the cremains into the new one, or go buy the urn and bring it back and we will transfer for you, what’s it going to be?” she says “well, I suppose if you insist that I pay full price, then i guess I have to pay full price.” I say “well, okay then, how are you paying”. she says, “my brother is suppose to come pay you for it, so let me use your phone and let him know how much it is”. I hand her the phone and she tells him the WHOLE story and says he will be up later to pay us. I say ‘well, I need payment before I can give you the urn”. she says ‘you can’t just keep the ashes, you mean I have to pay for the ashes too?” I say “no, I can give you the cremains, but I cannot give you the urn, it must be paid for before I give it to you, I have already transferred the cremains into the urn, I can remove them and give you the temporary urn and you can take them, or you can just leave them here in the new urn and when your brother comes into pay, I can call and let you know or if you trust your brother to take them at that time, up to you.?” she sits there and stares at me. and then says “why?” I say “why what?” she says “why do you have to have payment first?” I say “BECAUSE!” She gets up and says when her brother comes to pay she will be back to pick them up, that this is ridiculous that she has never dealt with any business like this before and don’t understand why she just can’t take the urn when she is paying so much for it to begin with. I say “okay,well, I will see you later, thanks, have a great day!”. I cannot take her anymore! I wanted to bash her head into the wall. Then she starts calling that afternoon, “has my brother come in to pay yet, he said he would be up there this afternoon”. I say “no, not yet.” she says “why not?” I am so frustrated with this dumbass, I can no longer take it anymore. I say “Look, I do not know why “your” brother has not come in yet to pay, how on earth would I know why “your” brother has not come yet, maybe YOU should call “your” brother and ask him yourself, and as a matter of fact, call him and tell him to call you when he drops the money off, that way you will know right away.” she says “well, I don’t want him lying to me about it”.      W T F ? ?   oh my God. I just said okay then, have a good afternoon and I hung up. FINALLY the brother comes to pay, and geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, 3 days later she shows up to pick up the urn! THEN, are you ready????? asks me “oh, is this the urn that I picked out, it doesn’t look the same?” What? are you serious? really? It is a simple bronez box. Thats it. no decoration, no other colors available, just a bronze rectangle. I say ‘yes, that is it, the one you chose, so your all set, the cremains are in it and it is sealed shut. if you try to open the urn it will damage the urn, so don’t unless you plan on using a different urn.” I walked her to the door and I hope that is the last time I ever have to see or speak to her in my life. If I ever see her again, I will know that I am in Hell right here on Earth.


6 Responses to “(sigh)………whatever………”

  1. olive grenade Says:

    holy shit, what a psycho bitch.
    i’ve worked in customer service for yeeears, and my best “worst customer” stories can’t top that.
    cudos on your patience though, i woulda freaked out on her long before that.
    hope you never have to see her again 🙂

  2. Gee the mind boggles at some of the nutcases and lunatics we have in the world. I really feel for you and what you do. Don’t you feel sometimes that you would just like to stick these people in one of the caskets in your showroom and seal them or in this case, a bronze box!:) And yes, you’re right. People have no idea how to dress for a funeral service or visiting a home. The last service I went to I was a guest and I wore the traditional black get up (long skirt, jacket etc) as well a majority of the guests did, but some chick turned up in a, yes, transparent red skirt with a one strap-off the shoulder top which clearly showed her bra. I don’t which way the priest looked!! Or the male guests for that matter. I’m pretty sure the pallbearers would have dropped the casket if they kept staring:)

    I think your blog is great. And venting one’s spleen has been proven to be healthy and less angrying up the blood! So keep up the good work.

    • thefuneralbizz Says:

      thank you for your comment! i feel much better after venting on here! and yes, it amazes me when people show up dressed like for a funeral, visitation or service….i mean really. alot of times people think that i am talking about younger people showing up dressed like that, but even tho, yes, the majority of those who show up in their stipper gear are young, i have seen many many older people, who should know better, show up dressed just as bad!

  3. wow…what a crazy dumb bitch. I cant believe you have to put up with these people every day.

  4. Hey
    I’m applying for a job in a funeral home and while searching the Internet to see what I was getting myself into I found your blog. Thanks a lot for the insight. I read all of your entries and that sort of prepared me for what I’m about to face. By the way, I don’t think you’re bitchy. I work in a newspaper stand (I’m going to quit because I hate my boss.) and sometimes I just feel like slapping the customers. So, I understand how you feel.
    Thanks again.

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