Life at a funeral home – stuff

Who has the right to pick up the cremated remains from the funeral home? The person who is handling the funeral arrangements aka the informant, the person paying the bill. Usually, but not always, the informant is the next of kin. If the informant tells us that someone else is allowed to pick them up, then fine, but NOT UNLESS they tell us and tell us who that person is! I don’t care who you are or what your relationship to the deceased is, unless we were told specifically by the informant that you are allowed to pick them up, you are not getting them! It’s not because we are being mean, it’s because we have to follow certain rules. Say for instance you are the deceaseds sibling but the deceaseds child made the arrangements and is listed as informant (and is the legal next of kin), but you feel that you have the right to pick up your brothers/sisters cremated remains. Regardless of how I even feel about it, it’s not us to make that call. That is why we have what is called the informant  (contact person). If you feel that you should be able to pick them up, discuss this with your family and if you disagree, again, discuss it with your family not the funeral home! Same goes for the death certificates,  which I’ve talked about several times. And it does not matter to me or make one bit a difference if you tell me that they won’t mind. we’ve heard it all before and in the end only to be yelled at and held accountable by the informant and it makes the funeral home look bad and incompetent.

As far as picking things up from the funeral home, such as the cremated remains, any cremation jewelry, death certificates, work excuses, your flowers after your fineral, etc.. If we are closing at our normal business hours   (which will mean if we are not having a visitation) you will have to come before we close or wait until the following day. I’m not sure why people think we are in the office 24/7. We are available for ’emergency’ calls or first calls 24/7, not because you need an excuse for work, or even because you need to drop off clothing. If we know we are waiting on clothing, we make it clear to those families what time you have to have the clothing to us. If we tell you we close at 6pm, we close at 6pm! Not 6:30pm. Do not show up after that time, realize we are closed then call the funeral home, get the answering service and act as if you have been inconvenienced because YOU showed up late without calling to inform us that you are running late and ask if will be there or if someone can wait or meet you at a certain time.

If you call the funeral home after business hours you will be speaking to our answering service. Our answering service follows a guideline when taking calls. They will gather information from the caller to pass on to the person/director on call. This seems to annoy some people. They are only doing their job, correctly. I understand emotions run high when a death occurs but the info they are asking is necessary.

Now, I feel as if some people just don’t grasp the concept of BEING ON TIME. When you plan a funeral everything that happens once you finalize those arrangements is usually time sensitive. We, the funeral home are now on a tight schedule. From the obit to getting the deceased dressed and casketed. It becomes extremely frustrating to us when things do not run smoothly and ON TIME and we do have to rely on the family for certain things. You want a photo for the obit, you need to have it to us by the deadline! Otherwise, its not going to be published, there is no being a few minutes late. Clothing always seems to be a big issue, I don’t know why! We always tell the family we must have clothing by such and such day/time! It never fails that they never bring it on timer nor do they call to let us know they are running late. It is so important for us to get the clothing because we must cosmetize the deceased, if a woman her hair more than likely needs to be styled…There are just a lot of little things to be done and done ON TIME.

If your loved one is near death then spend your time with them. Too many people want to come in and go over things while their loved one may pass at any minute. You will only have to come back to the funeral home once they pass anyway. There are also times when someone is put into hospice care or taken off life support and the family assumes that death will occur very soon after that. That is not always the case. It could very well take only minutes or hours but there are times, more often then not, where the person has lived for days, weeks, even months. You just don’t know, you can’t predict those things.  Hospice workers as well as hospital staff tell families that they should be preparing because death is imminent. Well, there is not that much you can do as far as pre planning/pre paying. If your loved one is near death and not expected to make it much longer…..stay with them! Pre planning is always a good idea, but its meant to be done before death in near. Do it well in advanced so it doesn’t have to be something you or your family has to worry about at the last dayts of your life. If you come to us when your loved one could be taking their last breath at any moment, sure we can get everything wrote down, but to pre payat that time is pretty much useless. First, the funeral home cannot just hold your money. The money yoiu pay us goes to a pre need company that holds that money in a Trust so to speak. Once that person passes, we fill out a form and send that form to this company along with a death certificate. The company then turns around and pays us that money. So its just senseless to do all that paperwork when more than likely yoiu loved one will pass before the pre need company even receives it all…So, just spend those last hours, days with your family. If you want, write down what it is they want, cremation, burial, what cemetery, church service or service at funeral home, then write down the info needed for the death certificate (vital info), like date of birth, social security number, place of birth, parents names, mothers maiden name, highest level of education, if the person is a veteran and ask where the veterans discharge paper (dd-214) is located, etc. Of course I am not saying not to pre plan because I sincerely feel it is a very good idea to do so and not just because I work at a funeral home, but had I never got into the funeral business I would not have known just how important and how much easier it really does make things so much easier. Not only because it’s paid for (and you do not have to prepay, just getting everything wrote down and picked out and kept on file at the funeral home) but it eliminates the guessing your family will have to do and yes, the disagreements or arguing. There is also now a form that you can fill out and have signed which will allow you to appoint anyone you wish to be in charge of making your arrangements. This is new to the State I am in buyt I understand its been available in other States for a while. This was not available here until about a year or year and half ago and I don’t believe many are aware of this. If you do not have family or you just do not want your family, for whatever reason, plan your funeral you should definitely look into filling these forms out, ask your funeral home about these papers!!

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Life working at a funeral home – SO BUSY

First off, I got a new tablet and I haven’t mastered this keyboard yet and so there will be a lot of spelling errors…my apologies!

Secondly, I have not posted in a long time…I have a lot to write about, but of course its mainly about how truly awful people are. So yes, this post will once again be me venting and bitching! sorry, but this is why I started this blog, to vent my frustrations!! So let’s begin the bitch fest!

I’ve about had it with people, had with the way people feel its ok to speak to others so rudely. How everyone is so quick to pass the blame or take out their bad day in people they have never met before. How people have become so demanding! Its not only those planning a funeral either, it can be a simple phone call asking a question, but just gotta be a smartass or rude, or don’t like the answer… Especially if your calling for pricing. You called and asked me to give you a price. I give you that price and you don’t like it. You have the option of saying a few things. You can simply sand Thank You and end the call. You can ask for differnt prices of other options, you can say ok, that’s out of my price range but thank you for your time…. I don’t see the need for any rude remarks. I don’t see any need for anyone to start bitching about how “I” charge way too much just to rip people off, etc. You don’t like the price, that’s fine, just say thanks good bye! 

When we are assisting you in planning a funeral, there are SEVERAL questions that need to be asked. We aren’t doing it just to piss you off! I would say most of the questions that we ask come in the beginning of the arrangement. Those questions are the info we need for the death certificate. You know, those death certificate’s everyone thinks are gold and just have to have them now! Well, without the info we cannot get you any! We always explain before starting with the questions why we are asking, yet it never fails that we get asked, “….what are ais these for, and why are these questions necessary”? So we go back and explain again! Its as if we are wasting their time. Its irritating. Know what else is irritating…When you have a family come in and there are several family members and they all talk over you and get off track and the arrangement lasts for two hours! Then while we are trying to get questions answered and trying to do all the work so the family doesn’t have to.. We sometime step away into another office to make those calls especially if there are a lot of people in the arrangement office, because they can’t be quiet long enough for us to be on the phone. So while we are making phone calls on behalf of the family, the family is in the arrangement office, we usually leave them to pick out prayer cards or flowers other times we just say that we will be a few minutes. Well the other day, we had to call the cemetery and while on the phone, which was approximately 10 minutes, here comes one of the family members. My boss was on the phone in another office and I was in mine. The person who came walking into the office was one of the deceaseds sons. I said hello and he said, “where’s that guy that was meeting with us, we need to get this wrapped up and get a move on, we still need to pick out the flowers and my sisters don’t feel like sitting around here anymore”. REALLY?? That irritated me. You need to get this wrapped up and tired of sitting around here? Well, we could have told you to call the cemetery yourself, we could have told you to go get your own flowers, but no. That “guy” you were meeting with is the Funeral Director and he TOLD you that he was going to call the cemetery for you and he would be back in a few minutes, it make take a few… So I said to him that the DIRECTOR is on the phone with the cemetery getting YOU and your family the information you will need and he will be done once he gets that information for you, so you can go ahead and go back to the arrangement office and the director will be back once he finishes up. He simply just walked away. Its just bothersome that noone can just take into consideration that WE are actually helping you. If we didn’t do these things then it would be that we aren’t helping you enough! Also this particular family wanted a specific day for viewing and funeral, unfortunately we could not accommodate them for the days they wanted, we already had two other families there for visitation and funeral services. Believe me when I say we do not like telling anyone we cannot accommodate them for the dates they want. Well, they were not happy about it and asked why there was nothing we could do.. My boss explained to them the reason why and he apologized and discounted their funeral charges, but that was still not enough.. He just came out and told them that there was nothing he could do and if they needed to go to another funeral home then that’s what they should do and he wouldn’t charge them the transport fee. In the end they stayed with us but made it clear they were disappointed. Ok, so we are fully aware you are not happy about it, so are you going to keep bitching about it? So finally they were on their way, thank God. That same day we had another arrangement about an hour later, it was close to the end of the day and I had been running my ass off. Before the next arrangement came in, my boss was in the embalming room, I was working on all the funeral arrangements and answering the phones. The family who had just left called. It was one of the daughter’s of the deceased. She wanted to know if there was anything at all we could do to accommodate them for the day they wanted!! Were you not just here for almost two hours discussing this! No, I’m sorry, there is not one single thing we can do! On to the next arrangement, not as stressful as the other one but during that arrangement, someone is at the door. I answer it and it’s the other family! They have “things” they need to drop off…. I asked what they had and if there is a lot. They say, yes there is a lot, food, soda pop, snacks, pictures, and the deceaseds violin!! They have a stand for it and NEED to set it up! I told them they could bring it in, but could not set it up because there is a body in the chapel whose funeral is in the morning! They of course were not happy about this and said they HAD to set it up and can’t they just place it in back of the chapel? No, you cannot, there will be a family in there tomorrow along with their friends and family, I don’t think they will understand why your mothers violin is in their room! So, they said they had to bring in their food. I had to explain to them they were welcome to bring it in but we would have to put it all in the storage closet until after the other family leaves, again, not pleased with anything I was telling them! I told them I would leave the door unlocked for them so they could bring in their things. I’m pretty sure they expected me to help them and if I had not been so busy I may have, but at this point I was fed up with them. They even asked ifthere wasn’t another door closer they could use. Unfortunately there is not and I was given the “ugh, ok”. Because somehow its my fault. Maybe you just don’t need to bring in ALL that CRAP! On to day of visitation, big family, lots of kids! No one bothered to watch these screaming misbehaved children who thought it would be ok to color on the bathroom walls with their crayons! They were obviously bored being stuck at a funeral home all day because at one point they decided to make about 20 cups of coffee using all the cream and sugar and make a horrendous sticky mess and put the empty coffee pots back on the hot burners! First of all WHYwere they allowed to play with HOT coffee!! I just don’t get it!! They were also playing with something that had a lot of glitter because it was everywhere! I am always amazed by the lack of supervision! I don’t understand why no parent is watching what and where their kid is at and what they are doing!! Then for them to destroy our bathroom walls and not one person apologized or offered to pay for the cleaning cost.. This is one of the reasons why funeral costs are high and continue to rise, overhead! Who do you think has to pay for the cleaning and damages? Not that it happens that often where we actually have to repair or replace things, but it does happen, cleaning we must constantly do. 

I’ll stop here and stop the moaning and groaning, for now 😀

Life Working at a funeral home – WTF

Seriously, WTF? Yeah, I know, last post was all complaining too, but I am just in complete awe of how people have been behaving! I don’t know, maybe it’s the dreary weather here, it’s cold and hasnt been much sunlight, but that’s still no excuse to be an asshole to people! they should keep in mind that we are in fact the very people who are caring for your loved one who has passed..We are going thru great lengths to make sure your loved one looks the very best, to your liking, that every thing you think the funeral you have planned and paid for will be just that! But, nope! I mean, I’ve been very down in the dumps lately, mostly due to the weather. We literally had no sun for over two weeks! No lie! It was cold and miserable on top of that. I can handle the cold, the snow, the,freezing rain, all of it, but as long as we get some sun. And life in general has been not so great, just personal issues…But even tho I’m experiencing the blues, I’m feeling down too, I’m certainly not an asshole to anyone! Ok, well maybe I get a bit sassy with my other half or a bit of road rage (no I don’t mean I’m driving get like a moron or yelling out my window at other drivers, but I am talking to myself and saying a few choice words, to MYSELF). I would never talk nasty to anyone who walked into work just because. I’m never nasty to anyone who calls and asks a question or wants something done..Why would I? It’s my job first and foremost and secondly, why would I be rude to someone just to be rude? For those of you in the funeral business, I’m sure you will understand this.. Once we get the doctor information, the doctor who will be signing the death certificate, we have to contact that doctors office. At least we do, Everytime because the info we receive from the hospital, the Hospice nurse, the nursing home, the medical examiner, etc.. could be wrong. It happens ALOT! It’s frustrating to say the least. So anyway, we get a name of the doctor and if we’re lucky a phone number. We call the office and the conversation goes something like this, “Hi, this is so and so calling from ABC Funeral Home regarding Jane Smith who has passed away. ABC Hospital gave us Dr. Needless information and stated he would be the doctor signing her death certificate and I’m calling to verify this information and if correct what are the doctors hours so that we may bring the certificate to the office to get signed (or, will the doctor sign a faxed copy of the certificate)? We get all kinds of answers, but what gets me is the attitude of the person on the other end of the phone! One would think I’m asking for them to saw off their foot and send it to me! I’m simply asking them to do their job! They are the doctor’s receptionist, the are usually the first impression people get when contacting that office. If I was a patient, I would not be happy with that and I’m not so sure the doctor they work for would be ok with the way some of them speak! Now, I’m not talking all offices we call, but a good portion of them (and before anyone starts about how hard it is working for a doctor, I KNOW it is, I use to work for a couple doctors before I got into this line of work). Same goes for most of the City/County Clerk’s Offices. Talk about rude! We are using your services, WE are PAYING for your services, so why on earth would you be so rude to someone who is only asking you to do what you are supposed to do, your freaking job! It just frustrates me so much! I am expected to do my job for others, so I should expect others to do their job for me, right!! 

I have to vent about  a recent family. Talk about people thinking they are above you! Wow! From the get go, it was nothing but feeling as if we could do nothing right, that we were below them. There are a few tables in the chapel they were in and they brought in photos to place in the room. They brought in ALOT of photos. So when my boss said to them that there are a few tables, but may not have room for that many but maybe we could find another table for them and figure out where to put it, well, that just wasn’t what she wanted to hear! She let out a huge sigh of disgust and said something along the lines of (with eye rolling), I guess we’ll just have to not put them out and “I” will just figure it out, I’m only the one paying you people for what “I” want and I can’t even have the photos of my mother set up! Unbelievable! and she proceeded to ‘snatch’ the few frames out of bosses hands! He TRIED to tell her we could make it work, but she wasn’t hearing it, she WANTED something to be pissed about. Nothing was good enough for them. You know those people, the ones who look for things to be upset about. Unfortunately I have found that there are far too many of those people around these days.

And now on to my lovely co workers. I try to mind my own business, I do. I would rather just come to work and do my work and let everyone else do their work and all be good…but it just doesn’t work that way! I do my work and I usually get stuck doing other work and that’s ok for the most part, but it can become a giant pain in the ass when the work you are doing is someone else’s because that someone else is too busy NOT doing their job! They are too busy bitching and complaining about everyone else! Shut your trap, stop worrying about what everyone else is doing or not doing, quit finding excuses to leave and do your freaking job! I hate that shit! What pisses me off even more is when I get stuck doing their work and I make an error and I get scolded for making the mistake! Well, yes, I am the one who made the error, but had I not have had to do someone else’s work it probably would not have happened! 

Ok, I’ll wrap it up. . for now 😉

Life Working at a funeral home – VENTING!

I’ve been working on another post, but I have to vent!

First of all, I want to say to anyone who may be reading this that the reason I started this blog was so I could vent my frustrations. over the past 9 years, I’ve had a few comments about my bitching.. my purpose was and is not to argue with anyone or start arguements, but I do realize that it happens, especially on the Internet. I haven’t really really vented in a while, but right now I just need to. So if anyone is reading this and gets upset by what I write here, I make no apologies and I will not respond to any comments that lead to a back and forth arguing.

I’ve mentioned in other posts about how I feel about people, that they are rude, no one has any manners anymore and everything  is now now now! It has just got out of hand and I for one am just beyond fed up! I’m tired of having to bend over backwards for people! I get it, I work in the funeral business, but I’m still sick of rude obnoxious spoiled people. I am tired of the people who I have to deal with including ‘some’ of the families we get. Why don’t people LISTEN?!? We are NOT at the funeral home 24/7! We are NOT there just sitting around waiting just incase you want to stop by at 5pm on Sunday evening because you want to drop off the pictures for the visitation you are going to have on Tuesday at Noon! NO! We are not going to sit and wait around on you on a Saturday evening because you want to drop off clothing that we TOLD you to bring in by 5pm on FRIDAY! ! It doesn’t work that way! We have hours of operation just like other businesses! The only difference is that we make ourselves available after hours incase a death occurs. Of course we will answer a call at anytime of the day or night for a death call. We are not available anytime of the day or night because someone needs a work or school excuse. You actually think that we are going to stop what we are doing on a Sunday afternoon  (the funeral home is closed if there is no visitation), and run to the funeral home because someone forgot to get a work excuse while they were there for the funeral? NO we aren’t! It’s just dumb shit anymore. I have people call during the evening or on weekends when we are closed and say that they are at the funeral home but no one is answering the door! Nine times out of ten, they are annoyed that no one is there! Really? You just decided to show up and you’re mad? Then to find out its just because they have a couple cases of water to drop off for their visitation the following day! Look, you set times for your visitation, you get a family hour! How long does it take really to carry a few cases of water into the funeral home? Maybe ten minutes TOPS?!? I hate when we set times and the family hour is all set and the next question I get is, ‘so what time can we all come”? Are you kidding me?
Want want want, but don’t put forth the effort to get what you want! You want grandma in a certain dress, she cannot wear anything else. Fine, that’s understandable, but when you are told that we MUST have that dress by a certain time, BRING it by that time!! You want a photo on the prayer folders, we tell you we must have that photo by a certain time in order for them to be ready by your visitation, then have it to us by that time!
Another annoying thing, when families start telling everyone when visitation and funeral will be BEFORE they even come in to make arrangements! DO NOT DO THAT! Don’t post on social media about it, nothing, until you have actually made the ARRANGEMENTS with the funeral home!!
You may want your viewing on Tuesday and funeral on Wednesday and you want specific times, and usually we can and will accommodate that, but sometimes we can’t! Also it may not even be us who is unable to accommodate those days and times, it could be that your priest or pastor is not available at that time, or the church is not available at that time! USE COMMON SENSE! Just because someone died, the world does not stop! And I absolutely hate when the attitude comes out because they don’t get their way!
Same thing with the God forsaken death certificates! It’s sometimes the only thing some people are focused on. You’ll get the freaking death certificates, but we cannot force the doctor to sign it any faster! Believe me, if we could we would! They are becoming harder and harder to accomplish anymore and when we try and explain the process of getting a death certificate signed, no one listens! If people would just shut up for two seconds and stop being so selfish and understand that there are some things that you just have to wait for! Trust me when I say I want nothing more then to get the death certificate signed and give to you asap!
Food, yes, my biggest pet peeve! I dislike those of you who bring in food! I’ve always bitched about it, but never really came right out and said I can’t stand those families who feel the need to bring in a shit load of fucking food! It’s like the biggest concern, not the deceased, but the freaking food! And.. why? Why do you need to bring in so much food anyway? Some snacks, water, even some soda, fine, but people, STOP it with your freaking food at the funeral home! You do not need to feed the people who are coming to pay their respects! especially if you plan on having a luncheon! ERGHHH!
As I have said before, if you are here for visitation and will be all day, then leave for an hour to go eat! Or bring “yourself” some thing in. I just get so irritated with the families who make it all about their food, when can we bring in the food? is there enough room? do you supply plates and utensils? cups? water? napkins? is there tables for everyone to sit at, should we bring in our own table? where will we keep the food that needs to be kept cold? And I just love when they bring in their crock pots!

Children.. they are YOUR kids, NOT MINE! I will not watch your kids. If you must bring them with you then you need to keep them under control and they should be on their best behavior! They should not be permitted to run around like wild animals. There are things that they can get hurt on. Our funeral home is not child proof and you should not assume it is. We have steps/stairs and when your brats are let loose to run wild, well, when they fall or go rolling down the stairs and crack their heads open on the tile, it’s no one’s fault but your own! It’s is also not a place for their screaming! It is still a place of business and we are still working here. Use common sense!! Your kid is yelling and screaming, would you allow that at home while you are on the phone? Do you allow them to yell and scream and run up and down and up and down and up and down your steps? Probably not! Then don’t let them do it at the funeral home! Sometimes there are more then one family using the funeral home and that other family does not want to hear your kid! Have some respect for others!
If and when an employee does tell your child to quiet down or stop running, do not give them dirty looks, if you were doing your job as a parent, then the employee would not have had to say anything! I think it’s ridiculous that you bring your small children to a funeral home all day anyway. Get a sitter! Go home! take turns with your spouse or other family member. Bring them some books to read or color, do not assume they will be ok unsupervised! You may not be the only family using the funeral home, you have no idea what kind of people are here or who can walk in the door! We do not stand at the door and ask who every person is as they come in.
Flowers. . We get flowers all throughout the day and we have to carry them into the chapel. So if the family and visitors are here and flowers come in, we have to walk in the chapel with a stand and a flower working our way past everyone. Be polite and MOVE for us would ya?!? Also, when we set the flowers down, don’t stand over my shoulder waiting to look at the card! Wait a minute until I walk away! Also, if you don’t see your flowers you sent, sure you can ask us about it, but if we don’t have your flowers and they aren’t on our sign in list, then you need to contact the flower shop. I’m not sure why we get asked, “why aren’t my flowers set out”? Well, if they didn’t get delivered then I can’t set them out.”
Then comes the… “why were my flowers not delivered”? I don’t know, call the place you ordered them from!
It’s just stupid shit really.. But it adds up and pisses me off! We had a very busy few months and people have been really more annoying than usual.
There is alot to do and think about once someone passes, but it still is not an excuse to be an asshole! And yes, I’ve lost loved ones and yes, I’ve been the one who made the arrangements. And during those times I was not a jerk to anyone just because.
I received a comment recently.. it was said that I was quick to judge. There may be times when I am, sure. But, probably more so outside of work. It is difficult to judge those people/families I work with because I actually get to know them. I’ve never met these people before, so when they come in I meet them for the first time and immediately get to know them. I work with them from the moment I speak to them on the phone or the moment they walk in the door so I don’t really get the opportunity to judge anyone before getting to know them, especially in this business. If there is an insurance assignment, it is to pay the funeral bill, anything left over goes to the beneficiary/beneficiaries. I hear the stories!

So, there it is, my rant. I’m just burnt out. . I’m sure those in the business can understand.

Life working at a funeral home – Micro Managing

(This is going to be a shorter post, I have another post I am currently working on and will post soon).

Don’t! Just don’t! Do not MICRO MANAGE!  For everyone out there who will plan a funeral for someone, DO NOT micro manage! Let the funeral home do their job!

Why? Because it will screw it up. Trust me. Every single time we get a family who is the type who micro manages, who goes over every single detail over and over and over again, there WILL be an error! it never fails.
You may feel you are doing it right. You may think you have to make sure every single little detail is your responsibility, as if you owe it to your loved one… It’s not. We do this every day, that’s what we are here for, this is what we do, day in and day out.
When you begin to constantly worry about every little thing and question every detail, YOU start to forget, YOU begin to forget if you did this or if you asked this, then you are continually calling us and then getting things twisted and it then begins to confuse us because you had already forgot what you have told us. So when the day arrives and you see some thing that was done “wrong” you become upset. When really you had changed your mind so many times that it’s actually correct!
See where I’m coming from?
And of course when emotions are high and you have exhausted yourself ‘planning’ this funeral, you are not going to admit you are wrong! When in fact you are!
This also goes for those who call or come in for pricing. The ones who are “calling around” for the family or friends. They share the info and then someone has a question, so then you call back. Then you want more or different pricing for different services. . We always suggest coming in for pricing. This isn’t to get you in to the funeral home, we aren’t trying to sell you anything, it is just better when you are face to face and EVERYTHING can be wrote down so there isn’t any miscommunication! From us yelling you over the phone, you telling another person, then them questioning you and then you now have to call us again. It is irritating, I’m being honest, it’s irritating! When you then actually come in to make those arrangements, chances are you are going to say that we said something else!
So that’s that.. just my rant for today, I hope a micro manager reads this!

Life at a funeral home – been a while

Can’t say it’s been crazy busy, so no excuse for not writing.
I guess just not too much to write about.
One thing that’s been bothering me, and actually has been for a while now, are co workers. I know I’ve wrote briefly about it before, but recently it’s just really gotten to me.
I don’t come to work to compete with anyone else. I come to work to do my job. I like my job and I’m good at my job. I worry about what I need to do, what I have to get done and by when. I don’t screw around (there are those slow days tho when we all get to goof off) I don’t put things off and I do go the extra step if and when needed. If someone needs help with something, has a question, etc. .I am always willing to help, no matter what! Do I hope my boss notices, of course I do, but I don’t do it just so he may notice, I do it because I feel that when and if I should need help those that I have helped will be there to help me. I also feel that when you are at work you should worry about yourself, not what anyone else is doing/not doing, unless it is directly affecting you. I can only hope that those I work with do the same, but as we all know (and hate) there are those other employees that just want to meddle in everyone else’s business and watch everyone else’s moves. Instead of worrying about themselves! That’s what just pisses me off.
Instead of being so concerned about what time so and so signed out at, be concerned about what time YOU are signing out at! Instead of worrying about how long someone has been gone running death certificates, transferring a body, etc.. be concerned about YOUR work! Also nothing else is worse than a brown nose. Nothing is more irritating than someone who is a constant bullshitter and it just amazes me that most people can’t see thru the bullshit! I sit in amazement when I hear said bullshitter go on and on and that others actually believe them.. Of course I keep my mouth shut and go on my way. Gossip is also a bad habit. Yes, I’ve been sucked into gossip before and sometimes still do, but I catch myself these days and just keep quiet, even if I may agree.. lol. I have also realized who will rat you out to save their ass. I don’t, intentionally, do anything that would get me into trouble, there are those who do, but those very people are the ones who will go behind your back to get you in trouble to save their ass! For the most part everyone here gets along. At the same time, there is alot of talking behind people’s backs. I know who I can trust and who I cant.. Wish it didn’t have to be that way tho. I also hate liars.. those who feel they have to lie about shit that’s not even something they have a reason to lie about! I guess a liar is almost the same as a bullshitter. But the one I’m speaking of will lie and will have his/her family help lie about what they are lying about.. You know those fake phone calls where the other person is aware that the other is lying, so to make the story sound real? Well, this one person does it often and I once could hear the other person on other end of line, couldn’t hear everything, but enough to know what was going on.

So, enough about that, it’s irritating me just as I write about it.

As far as funerals, there is alot that goes on “behind the scenes”. I don’t think most realize this and for the most part it really shouldn’t be something that families should be concerned about. But, there are times when people, visitors, will begin to notice that maybe a few more chairs are needed because the room is getting full. Well, we know this and we are watching. I don’t mean to imply that we get mad or that we don’t need anyone to tell us, it’s just that we do know. What is irritating and frustrating is when we are trying to bring in extra chairs and noone will move. We can say excuse me a thousand times, but no one moves! So, we will stop trying to set more chairs up. So what happens when just before the service is to start? Every one begins to complain to eachother about no where to sit and we have several people TELL us they need chairs! Not ASK us, but TELL us. Had anyone paid attention sooner, all would be good. Same thing happens when just prior to service, the Director will ‘try’ to make announcement to say for everyone to please find a seat, turn your phones off, the service is going to begin…And we have the same issue  no one is listening, so it takes that much longer to get everyone quiet and seated. Which brings me to after the service. Now we are running behind. So yes, we are trying to rush you without it being too noticeable and with out being rude. When we ask that you pass by the casket and EXIT the funeral home to your vehicles, GO! Don’t linger, just go! I do not understand why so many people, who are NOT immediate family, linger and refuse to go to their car. Those are the people who ultimately hold everything up. We cannot give the family their last few moments with the deceased if you are still hanging about..and heaven forbid we say, “you need to go”! We have, but of course we get the usual snare or the, “well, I’m their good friend, etc”! I don’t care who the hell you are, if the family doesn’t want you in here then you need to go!
When arriving at funeral home, if you are not driving your vehicle in the procession, then don’t park in it! When asked if you will be in the procession and you say that you don’t know, you will be asked to not leave your car in the line up, you’ll be asked to move it.. It’s too hard to keep putting in and taking cars out! When leaving the lot in procession, WATCH WHAT IS GOING ON! When leaving the lot, do not be on your phone!! When we YELL at you to “GO”! we do not appreciate you giving us dirty looks or saying rude things. Pay attention, we are looking out for YOUR safety!

Maybe the heat is getting to me, I dunno, but I do know most people are really getting on my nerve..

Hope you all are having a wonderful summer!

Life at a funeral home – WHY

I often wonder when it was that people became so rude, impolite, self absorbed? I’ve worked with the public pretty much my entire working life. I have always known there were “those” people, but I’m not sure if it’s me who is getting older and noticing it more or if people have really become so selfish, mean spirited, and well, assholes?
Every day almost I encounter someone who is just unpleasant. Wether it be on the phone or in person. I am speaking of work, but yes, of course I encounter them outside of work as well.. But it just seems that people do not have any hesitation being rude or speaking down to others. For example, we receive quite a few calls per day requesting pricing. We do not have any problem giving pricing over the phone. When I give pricing I explain to them what is included in that cost and what is NOT included. However, most of the time I cannot even begin to tell the person what is not included because I either get hung up on, the person will say, “what?!? NEVERMIND”! and hang up, or they will say, “that includes everything, right”? When I say no, I usually get, “that’s ridiculous, why is it so much”?!? I have people who have started bitching at me because the cost is high and they can’t afford it, or just be downright rude! Especially the ones who just hang up. Is it really that shocking that funerals are EXPENSIVE? And is it necessary to speak to someone that way? YOU called ME! I nicely answered your questions, I took the time to speak to with you, yes, it’s my job, but I would never speak to someone the way these people speak to me, regardless of the answer! If I called some place to request cost of something, why would I be rude in return just because I did not like their answer? ! ? Can people just simply say, “ok, thank you for your time”. Or even just, “thanks”.
I have also experienced quite a lot lately where people arrive for viewing  (the family) and other family members have not yet arrived. Now when people come in to make arrangements there is an informant. Usually that person is the next of kin. This is the person who is ‘in charge’. So if that person has not yet arrived and other family members have, we typically wait for them before letting anyone go into the chapel, unless the informant has told us previously that it is ok that people go in if they are not there. Well, you can imagine a group of people arriving expecting to be able to enter the Chapel for first viewing, which is considered the family hour, and we have to say that so and so has not arrived yet so we will have to wait for them…you would think people would understand this, but no. Usually they get quite pissy with us! I mean really? Here is let’s say, the grandkids and maybe some cousins and even the deceaseds siblings but the husband hasn’t arrived yet and the husband is the informant. So we tell them that that Mr. Whoever hasn’t arrived yet but once he does then they may go in. Why would we NOT wait?? This happens alot when we have a younger person and there are two sets of parents and also when there are siblings. If siblings arrive early, they seem to think they can just go on in. To be honest, I don’t care one way or the other. Well anyway, they get pissy because they have to wait and also think they are above having to wait. This not only happens with family but friends as well. We get so many friends that show up during family hour who feel they should be allowed to go in, regardless if family has gone in yet or not. Of course if the family is there, we will ask them, but if no one has been in yet, then no! Why would you think it’s ok for us to let you go in before any of the family has even been in? I’ve heard the excuse that they won’t be able to make it later, they have to go to work or whatever, so they just thought they would come by early. It just doesn’t work that way.
On to the next.. Life Insurance. I know that people want their money!! Don’t call me, call the insurance company!! Calling the funeral home is not gonna help you get your money faster. We want our payment too! So of course I have to explain, AGAIN, that it’s not uncommon for us to wait 30 days or more to receive payment. Also that we will only receive OUR portion, not yours! Your payment will be sent directly to you. Ok, they say. or they ask why it takes so long. . Then a week goes by and that same person is calling, AGAIN, complaining that it’s taking too long. Not my problem.. As I stated TWO TIMES  already, call the insurance company!
We ask our families who will be coming in to pick up the flowers, the family items (sign in book, extra prayer cards, death certificates, anything we removed from casket prior to closing casket, etc). We always ask them the evening before the funeral. We also ask if they would like the cards from the flowers removed and put in the bag with their family items. We explain to them that whoever they list will be the only people we will release the flowers to as well as anything else! It seems lately that this has become a big deal. Some people, wether it be family members or friends, feel that they are doing the family a favor by coming to the funeral home and trying to pick up everything for them “so they don’t have to worry about it”. Well, that’s nice and all, but we can’t let you take anything”. This seems to piss people off. They can’t grasp that flowers are “that big of a deal”. I don’t care personally, but the family does! Also, there are personal items as well, like jewelry, donation envelopes, cards, death certificates, etc. How do we know you aren’t going to help yourself to the jewelry or the donation envelopes and then say you didn’t take anything and blame the funeral home? When there are several children or siblings or whoever and they have to split up flowers because one person wants this plant and another wants this arrangement, do it at HOME! And NO, we do not take photos of each flower arrangement! And again, if you want to take pictures of each arrangement, DO IT AT HOME! I hate when family arrives to pick their things up and they stand there going back and forth over who is taking what and then arguing over it! I don’t really care if your employer sent that one or this one, just someone take it already! As far as the cards being removed, it’s really annoying when they have told us to remove them then when they come to pick them up, someone mentions that now they won’t know who sent what and now when doing Thank You cards your not gonna know!! You do not have to write in the thank you card that you are thanking them for the flowers they sent. You simply write the deceaseds name… and since I’m speaking of Thank You cards, you do not need to send a prayer card with each Thank You card! If you are sending out a Thank You card to someone chances are you are sending it to someone who came to the visitation and or funeral, right? So, more than likely when that person came to funeral home and or church, they took a prayer card! And what do most people do with those cards anyway? They hang on to them for a little while maybe.. or they put them away someplace and I bet most of them end up in the trash. I’m sure there are those who do keep them, but I’m sure most throw them away…eventually. But, anyway, unless someone wasn’t able to make it, but did send something, then yes, by all means, send them one, but if they signed the book, don’t waste your money by ordering more! I have so many families come back and ask if they can have more just for that reason. I always tell them they don’t have to send them, but…they want them anyway. I will usually just give them away, unless they want alot or if there was a photo on their cards. I had one family who wanted more and there was a photo on these particular cards, so not only did it take a day for us to get them ready for them it cost them over $100 because they wanted 100 cards! It’s just kinda ridiculous to spend that money on them when you already did and you are now going to send another card to the same people who already got one.
Most of our State is now on edrs, which just means we can file death certificates electronically. But there are still a few cities who aren’t on it, which makes it very inconvenient for me. I can’t do a death certificate on edrs if the city in which it files in is not using it. Also, many doctors still haven’t grasped that they can now sign a faxed copy of a death certificate, even when I try my hardest to explain to them that they can and why! Even though they have ALL been notified by the State of what edrs is and that they can sign a faxed copy! It just makes it all so much easier on us because otherwise we are running around dropping off and picking up death certificates. The doctor can be an hour away and when we go to their offices they don’t just sign them while we are there, we have to leave it and wait for a call letting us know its ready, so then we have to go to their office again to pick it up! Most doctors are not so cooperative when signing either. There are laws regarding time frame, but they really are not enforced and there are times when doctors will just leave it sit on their desk for days and we are calling the office asking if its ready yet. The office staff aren’t always pleasant to deal with either, which just makes the whole experience a pain in the ass!
Well, those are my recent rantings…
Hope you all are enjoying Spring, now that it has arrived!