Working at a funeral home….

I sometimes just want to bang my head off my desk. . . . . .  I understand that families have their problems, really I do! but families have to understand that we CANNOT get in the middle of these arguments or disagreements. let’s review some things here.

For cremation.

If the deceased is to be cremated we need the Next of Kin’s signature for the cremation authorization. That does not always mean that the Next of Kin will be picking up the cremated remains when they are ready to be picked up. By law the Next of Kin is who legally is entitled to pick the cremains up. BUT, during the time of arrangement, we ask the family who is to be contacted when the cremated remains are available to be picked up. Sometimes the spouse will let the daughter/son pick them up, or say the deceased is widowed and no children, so the mom is going to pick them up. whatever the case may be, whoever that person is to be contacted signs a form and the next of kin initials that form stating that is the person who will be picking the cremains up from the funeral home. see, it covers our ass! So, it doesn’t matter who paid. who signed the authorization, etc…..if there are problems and people are fighting over the cremains, then we will give them to the next of kin, no questions asked, no special “who should we call” NOTHING! this way, we wipe our hands clean of the whole this person that person….so, don’t call the funeral home and start bitching that so and so doesn’t deserve to be able to pick the cremains up because they are not close to the decease or have been separated from the decease for x amount of years, or they are no good rotten kids, etc…. I don’t really care. and even if I did care, well, it is not for me to decide. I get one person calling me to make sure that they are the ONLY ones to be able to pick them cremains up, then I get another person calling to see if they can pick them up because the person who is suppose to pick them up is a bitch, an asshole, etc… then I get a call from someone saying they paid for the whole funeral they should be the ones who should get the cremains. then I get a call from someone who thinks they have a law degree and insists they know what they are talking about. WELL, if you knew what you were talking about then you wouldn’t have called! SO, legally, the NEXT of KIN is who we would contact to pick up the cremains. UNLESS otherwise stated BY THE NEXT of KIN and documented by the Next of Kin that they are allowing so and so to pick them up! Now, when whoever picks the cremains up, whether it is the next of kind or whoever the next of kin allowed to pick them up, that person MUST sign a paper stating that they picked them up!  it is dated and also signed by the funeral home rep.

I had a friend ask me the other day about what are you suppose to do or what can you do if you cannot pay for a funeral. Well, not much really. Hopefully the deceased has a life insurance policy. I think I went over that in one of my recent posts. Other than that, I guess one would have to find a funeral home that takes payments. Which is hard to come by. I know of a couple but that’s it. You can also apply for state aid. but they only pay a few hundred dollars. and if the deceased had any kind of assets whatsoever they WILL find them and deduct that from what they will pay out. I’m not talking a thousand dollars here either, I’m talking the state will only pay out about $500 – $800, depending on if you want burial or cremation. they will pay more toward a burial. to bury someone is more expensive than cremation. so, usually I will tell people if you know you cannot afford it, then don’t do it. there is always direct cremation. you can always have a memorial service later on. you can have a memorial anywhere you want really, it doesn’t have to be at the funeral home. it can be at a park, at church, a hall, your home….so you can save money there. so, if you were approved for the full amount from the state and you decided you wanted a direct cremation. your total bill would be $1600.00 not including the cost of death certificates. I know it is still a lot of money, but compared to a full-out funeral it’s extremely inexpensive! if you decided you wanted a burial and you wanted 2 days of viewing and the 3rd day a service you’re looking at $6000 – $10,000 !!

I know a lot of people always use the same funeral home, their entire family uses the same funeral home. but, when it comes to trying to find the most cost-effective way to have a funeral, especially these days, call around, get pricing. funeral homes should be able to give you an estimate over the phone. NOT A guarantee of pricing, just and estimate! and again, when you ask if they take payments and they say ‘no’, don’t get snippy with them, they are only doing their job!

when you are making funeral arrangements please try to bring the clothing you want the deceased to wear at that time. I always try to remind people when they call to set up arrangement times to bring in clothing. we cannot work miracles when people do not bring us clothing in time. it is a process to get a deceased dressed and cannot be done in the chapel. we would like to have the clothing as soon as you can possibly bring it to us, NOT the day of the viewing! same goes for makeup and wigs, etc… if you do not specify or bring in a picture of what the deceased is suppose to look like we will try to do our best without knowing, but when you come in to see them for the first viewing and you do not like it….well, we asked you to bring in a pic and you did not do so. we, again, can only do so much once this person is already casketed. we will do our best for you. but once the makeup is already one, we can only add to it. a picture for hair and makeup will help us tremendously!

alrighty…..Happy Holiday!

so what did i say the other day about money? if you don’t have it then don’t plan on having a big funeral? isn’t that what i just wrote about (and probably every other post i have ever wrote).

a family who has no money came in. we gave them a price. they got belligerent with us. WHY? funerals are expensive. period. so, we gave you options. you still weren’t happy. what do you really want us to do? honestly? just not charge you? well, wouldn’t that be wonderful if we could just not charge people anymore for funerals. wouldn’t it be nice if the ’someone’ else were to pay for it? gee, i wonder how long we would be able to keep our doors open for? a few weeks? maybe 2 months?  do you walk into wal-mart, the party store at your corner, the grocery store and get up to the register and say “i don’t have any money, so, either i can pay later or make payments” ? probably not! what about if your car broke down? would you call a tow truck and have them tow your car and fix it, then say “oh, i don’t have any money, but i am going to take my car, you can take payments from me or wait until i get the money”. probably not! SO, what makes you think that WE WILL? my advice to everyone! even young people, make pre-arrangements! you CAN make payments on that! you can pick out what you want too! OR, get a life insurance policy. it’s really not that expensive to take out a life insurance policy. even if it is only for a couple thousand dollars. YOU CAN make payments on your life insurance policy! so you see, do it before it happens! because you can’t make payments to us once it does happen! we will actually do an insurance assignment for YOU! all you family has to do is bring that policy into the funeral home when they come to make your funeral arrangements. we do ALL the work! and they won’t have to worry about a think, except to sign a few pieces of paper! we call the insurance company to verify the policy is good. we get all the paper work in order. we mail the required documentation to them. they mail us a check for the amount! ALL DONE! that’s it. no worries! and guess what, if there is any money left over, it goes directly to you family, the beneficiary! isn’t that easy? the only draw back is if the policy is less than 2 years old, the insurance company will probably contest it and not pay. so, my advice is to get a life insurance policy as soon as possible. most employers offer this to their employees and it comes out of your paycheck. or, even your credit unions offer this. OR, ask your homeowners insurance company if they offer life insurance. if you are young and still live at home, ask your parents if they have a life insurance policy on you, if they do, when you get older and move out or are on your own, see if you can take over the payments. whatever you have to do. anyway…….. this family that i was speaking of. they bitched about the cost of embalming. they were undecided if they wanted embalming. BUT, they wanted visitation. well, you must have embalming if you want visitation. the person passed on the 12th of this month, now it is the 16th, so you must have embalming. then they bitched because we charged to do the removal. then of course they bitched about our charges. they didn’t know if they wanted to do cremation or burial. burial is going to be more expensive, because you have to pay the cemetery! then you accused us of charging too much at the cemetery. we explained that we have nothing to do with the cemetery. you rolled your eyes at us. when you asked about state aid. we explained that to you as well. and again, accused us of not working with you to get more money from the state. again, we do not have anything to do with what the state approves you for! nothing! at all! you, under your breath, sighed and said ‘yeah, right”. at this point i was ready to tell you to leave. go someplace else. let someone else deal with you, because you are the kind of people who are not going to be happy with anything. now that you have decided to stay with us, you set your times. one day. with cremation. well, when we told you that you must have your service no later than 6:30pm, you asked us why on earth so early, when we don’t close until 9pm. well, it doesn’t work that way. you chose to have 6 hours of viewing. which means that you have until a certain time to stay here. because that is what you paid for. yes, we are open until 9pm for those families who chose to do visitation until 9pm. you are only paying to have yours until 8pm. that is what you can afford. so you say. when you decide to have a service in the evening (which is common with cremations) you have to start your service early enough so you are done by 8pm. understand? if you didn’t start your service until 8pm, then you would be here until 10pm! and that is IF everyone leaves right away. so if that was the case, you would have to pay that extra time! back to the state aid thing for a minute. when we explained to you that if the deceased had any assets a bank account a vehicle, etc… that the state will find out and they will deduct that from the money they give you, you asked us not to tell them. WE DON’T tell them anything! we told you this. the state will find out on their own, trust us! how many times did we tell you that we have NO control over what the state does. just be grateful that they may give you anything.

i can’t wait to have a few days off. can’t wait can’t wait can’t wait!

another funeral service another day……….

here we go gain. another white trash day!

of course here we go, another young person who lost their life to drugs. why do these young people do that? it is upsetting. but also makes me just shake my head in disgust. i have seen it too many times. and here is what really makes me feel no pity for these young people. they show up at the funeral home and have no respect for anyone. not the family of the decease, not the people who work at the funeral home (me) and not for themselves. they talk out in the hallway and i can hear what they are talking about, i go in the lounge and i can hear what they are talking about. they talk about why so and so died, but in the same conversation it’s ‘let’s go out to the car and smoke one’. they aren’t talking about smoking a cigarette. or ‘let’s go out to the car and do a line’. come on. when are you kids gonna wake up. why do you think at this very second you are standing inside a funeral home? because you so-called friend just died because he did what you want to go out to your car to do. do you want to be next? most of you are barely legal to drink. but yet you all have kids, most of you,i’m sure are unwed. just an assumption, but more than likely true. you show up looking like your going out to the club. do you not have any respect for anyone or yourself? i hate working when we have these types of funeral or visitations, i just cannot stand it anymore. and i am so so so so so so sick of hearing about what a “good guy” or great girl” he or she was, blah blah blah……..not only at work, but on the news when someone shoots someone or gets shot in a gang related incident or someone who was drunk driving and killed someone and their family appears on the news and talks about what a caring great person this person was. BULLSHIT. i am so sick of it. then have to turn around and see it in person at work. makes me want to gag. i wonder often where the parents were while this person was growing up? yeah yeah, i know, all kids do stupid shit and parents cannot be there 24 hours a day. i know this first hand, i did alot of stupid shit when i was a teenager, BUT, my parents taught me right from wrong and i knew when too much was too much. i knew the consequences. i knew BETTER! i know all kids do not have great parents and aren’t always taught things like that. it is unfortunate. but really, once you reach a certain age, you yourself should know better and know right from wrong. i also know that times are tough everywhere and people feel as if they just can’t handle any more. whether it is a loss of a job, home, etc… it sucks! i also know this first hand. right now, no matter how many hours of work i get, i know that i am lucky! i have seen too many young people who have taken their lives because of this. but anyway…. what i am really pissed about are these ‘kids’ that show up to see their friend who just died because he over dosed and they are standing around talking about going to do drugs themselves. they stand up in front of the room full of people and cry and carry on because they just lost this person but turn around and go do the same thing.

also, again, with the whole money issue. if you do not have enough money to have a big funeral, then DON’T! i am getting so frustrated with people and hearing about they have no money, which, believe me, I know! but yet they sit there and argue with us that they want this and that but they can’t pay for it. now days, things are tough, ALL OVER! even the funeral business! if you can’t afford to have more than one day of visitation then don’t and don’t argue with me that we are charging too much and being unfair because you can’t afford it. we offer so many different packages to fit what you can afford. and, again, we do not take payments. i just can’t stand getting an attitude when people ask me if they can make payments and i say no. we just don’t. first reason being because in the past, when we have accepted payments…..well, guess what, we are still waiting on those payments. i have people from back in 1998 that still have no paid their bill. that is why we don’t take payments. sometimes we will give a discount. or if say, you’re a hundred bucks shy, then yeah, we will tell you, okay, you have 2 weeks to get us the rest. but come on people. i’m sick of people rolling their eyes at me when i give them prices. or on the phone when people call for pricing, and i give them a price and they get rude with me. why on earth are being rude to me. you don’t know me. you asked me a price and i gave it to you. if you don’t like it, then say ‘thank you, good-bye”. is that so freaking hard?

if you know someone who is going to be laid out at a funeral home and you know the times of the visitation and the funeral service, don’t come early. i cannot stress this enough. you will not be let in. i don’t care if you are on your lunch hour. i don’t care if you are going out-of-town. i don’t care if you have to work. i don’t care if someone gave you’re the wrong times. if you come early you will not be let in. if the family has not been there yet, what makes you think that you will be allowed to go in? if it was one of your family members that was laid out and you had not viewed him/her yet would you like it if someone went in before you? probably not. most people are like that. and i don’t blame them. and again, do not roll your eyes and argue, it will get you no where!

when making arrangements if we tell you that we already have 2 visitations starting the same day you are thinking of having yours that usually means we are suggesting you wait a day. we won’t make you wait, and we may even say it to you, “we already have 2 families here that day, would you like to wait a day, because it is going to be very crowded here and you  may not have enough room, also the lounge area will be crowded and if you plan on bringing in any food there may not be a lot of room for you, we will do our best, but……” listen to our advice. ! please! because when you decide that you do not want to wait one more day and then realize once you are there that you are not happy because you have no room for you food or family to relax in the lounge. or the coat closets are full of the other families coats or the other family/families are being loud or rude, do NOT come and complain to us about it. we warned you! don’t tell me that you are unhappy with your arrangements and the way the funeral home is handling things because the other family is pissing you off or they are getting more of our attention. this is what you chose to do this is what you get. we TOLD you.

if you want to witness a cremation, you must pay! it is not free. don’t sit that and tell me you have never heard of such a thing. you have to pay the crematory. we DO NOT cremate on our premises, it is illegal for a funeral home to run a crematory or a cemetery. in my state, anyway. so we actually have to transport the deceased to the crematory we use. so if you want to witness it, you have to pay the funeral directors charge to go out there, because the crematory requires a funeral director to be present. you also have to pay the crematory. and NO you do not actually get to see the body. yes, people have asked me that. whatever the body is in, that is what they are cremated in. casket and all.

so my parting words are, if you can’t afford it, then don’t do it. there are options, use them. you are not having a funeral for you everyone that is showing up to pay their respects. you are having a funeral for the deceased. don’t feel as if you have to put on some big show with all these flowers and all the food you can pack into our lounge. the people who are coming to view the deceased are the ones who should be bringing you food! or offering to do things for YOU. not the other way around. the funeral home is NOT a restraunt. it is not a social hall. it is not a banquet facility. it is not a family reunion. for those of you who feel it necessary to stand around and laugh and carry on like a bunch of animals, take it someplace else. this is not the place for that. of course laughter is the best medicine, but do it with respect. don’t show up drunk or high and make an idiot of yourself. dress appropriately. act civilized!

Funerals…

so i had a funeral the other day, and as usual someone could not shut their cell phone off.  why is it so freaking important to leave your phone on during a freaking funeral? and no, he didn’t just forget! because it rang a total of 4 times and all 4 times he answered it! what an asshole. he actually got up in the middle of the service and walked out of the chapel into the hallway and answered his phone and then proceeded to yell at whoever was on the other end of the conversation! he may as well have stayed in the chapel and answered because everyone  could hear him plain as day anyway.

had a funeral the day after that one, and it was a young person (around 35) she had a lot of people show up for her service but there was one in particular person there who just would not shut up! i understand that people are upset but to continually interrupt the minister while he is trying to do the service. and to cry and yell out obscenities to the deceased for leaving you………….. uughhh!

and again. let’s go over this one more time. when you plan on attending a funeral you do not have to wear a suit or even black for that matter. but to show up in your pajama pants is unacceptable! to show up in your low rider jeans with you ass crack on display is unacceptable. to show up in mini skirts with flip flops, are unacceptable. to show up in tattered t-shirts and ripped dirty jeans, is unacceptable. i know if you’re coming straight from work, unless you are a stripper and you forgot that you left the club in your stripper garb. COME ON people have some couth! wear has all the manners and respect gone to? i mean, really, it is like shopping at Wal Mart anymore, you know, those e-mails that go around with the “people from wal mart”? well, i could start one with the “people from the funeral home”. for real!  and as i have mention above, Turn your cell phone OFF or at least to vibrate while you are there! especially during the actual funeral service! for crying out loud! also, when the Director excuses everyone and asks that they pass by the casket to pay their last respects and then EXIT to YOUR VEHICLE, this concludes ALL services! (or exit to your vehicle and turn on your bright headlights to continue in the procession to the cemetery) PLEASE DO WHAT HE JUST SAID and LEAVE !!!! again, the other day, for the younger person, the family is in the chapel trying to have a few last minutes alone with the deceased and there are a TON of people outside in the hall way just living it up! laughing and yelling and carrying on. HAVE SOME RESPECT and shut the fuck up and go to your cars! why is it that some people feel as if this does not apply to them? and then why do some of you come BACK in the chapel after you have left, opening the freaking door and come back in? do you feel as if you are special and you have the right to come back in? unless you are part of the immediate family, keep your ignorant ass out! OH, and do not, i repeat DO NOT, go back into the lounge area and stuff your face with whatever is left lying around or decide to have a smoke! get out! when we are trying to clear the room to close the casket we will ask if the immediate family would like to stay while we do so. after we close the casket they leave! then we will push the casket out into the vestibule and ask that the pall bearers line up on each side of the casket. well here is the problem, those of you who have insisted on lingering in the halls and vestibule make it very very very very very difficult to push the casket to the exit. most of you just look at us as we are trying to push it toward the door. we have to continuously say excuse me. this is rude. we should not have to get snippy with people because we are trying to push the deceased to the doors, it is not easy to navigate a casket with a body in it thru a ton of people!

People SUCK!

yeah  yeah yeah, I know, more bitching about people. but the truth is that people really are assholes! i am so tired and fed up with getting bitched at about shit. i do not make the freaking rules! okay! fuck! family came in to make arrangements. fine. part of the family wanted to wait until the beginning of next week. fine. part of the family wants to get it done and over with. fine. JUST make up your freaking minds! so they decide to do it now. fine. BUT, the part of the family that wanted to wait until next week are now pushing to have the service as late as possible. well the problem with that is that they have to be to the cemetery by 3pm NO LATER! we explain this to them. well, of course they apparently feel as if that is our fault and or our problem not theirs, they want the funeral service to start at 1pm and thats that. well,  it doesn’t work that way, it is not up to us to change what times the cemetery allows !! we don’t run the freaking cemetery! fucking bitch! God she pissed me off! as you can tell……i’m sure. You have to realize that if you start at 1pm, people will arrive just before that. then your priest will be doing the service, well that takes at least 20 minutes and that is a short service. then you have make sure everyone gets out and gets in to their cars, which takes forever because for some reason no matter what kind of funeral it is, people insist on passing by the casket then walking out into the hall and then they just stand there like a bunch of fucking idiots! when the director stands in front of the chapel and thanks everyone for attending and please pass by the casket and exit to your vehicles, what the fuck does that mean? IT MEANS LEAVE! especially if there is going to be a procession! get in your freaking cars and get ready to go! so anyway……after trying to get everyone out, then closing the casket and putting the casket in the hearse then getting everyone ready to go……and she wants to wait until 1pm to start. DON’T think so !! but just keep bitching at me about it because you think i have some control over it……I DON”T! this lady is going to be a pain in my ass for the next couple of days…..i am not in the mood to deal with ignorant people. also, we have had several phone calls from people to find out when the visitation is. well, here is the thing. when you find out someone has passed away, and you find out which funeral home they will be at and you call to get the times and the person at the funeral home tells you that, either, the family has not come in yet for arrangements there appt. is at so and so time, or the family is still here and have not set times yet, or the family will not be in until the next day, whatever…………do NOT ask me why i cannot tell you what TIME! I don’t fucking know! i do not know until that family is DONE making arrangements! also don’t get fucking snippy with me either when I tell you that I do not know! when i find out YOU will find out!  i can only tell you to call back…..i get so many people who …  sigh …. into the phone when i tell them that i don’t know yet!  oh, and yet again….how many times i have to repeat myself to people about state aid…i have NO control over if THEY will approve or deny you! NONE! i cannot talk to them regarding it, nothing….i have no bearing on the situation! whatsoever! me talking to the social worker mean NOTHING! also when you go there and they ask you for certain documents and then you call me and are being rude and bitching at me because we did not tell you that you needed them…well, again, how the FUCK do I know? I don’t. they may ask you for additional documentation, but what it is, I have no idea! the only paper work i am required to give you is the funeral contract and the break down of the cost that is signed by the family and the director. thats it. if they ask you for more that is up to them. apparently they ask ’some” people for more stuff.. and don’t ask me why they are asking you for this stuff either, because i have no freaking clue. i am the funeral home NOT the State ! i don’t work for the State i work for the funeral home! TWO DIFFERENT PLACES!

Cremation

why is it that people have to argue with us about everything? there are certain laws in place regarding cremation. so, to argue with us about it is going to get you nowhere! the next of kin MUST sign the cremation authorization!  SO, if the deceased is married, then the spouse must sign! if the deceased is NOT married, widowed, divorced, then the deceased children must sign, if there is more than one child then the “majority” of children over the age of 18 must sign! if no children and no spouse and the deceased parents are alive then they sign, and so on…..  SO, i had a man come in the other day to make arrangements for his son. well, his son was divorced. so we ask if he has any children over 18, and the man said yes, just one son. well, we tell him that the son has to sign the cremation authorization then is there anyway he can come to the funeral home and sign the authorization? the man was getting cocky and being a DICK! to begin with so this really set him into asshole mode. he kept rolling his eyes, making remarks…. whatever buddy! he then decided to say “well, i could have just lied to you and told you no, he had no children and i could have just signed it and we would be done with all of this and you would no none the wiser would you, so don’t tell me about rules”. JERK! so the Director who was doing the arrangements says “well, yes, you certainly could have, but if his son does not want cremation then you would be held responsible, since you signed the authorization, not us, we can only believe what you tell us and we hope that you would be honest with us since this is concerning your son, and it is not just a ‘rule’ it is the state law, not our rules”. the guys just shrugged his shoulders and said whatever….Well, the son of the deceased ended up coming to the funeral home a few hours later. no big deal. it was just one of those people who, whatever you said, he had a smart remark to go along with it. we are here to HELP you when someone passes away! not to be bashed for doing out jobs. YOU came to US, not the other way around. he complained that he had to sign the contract, with his social security number and address. he complained about the price, he complained about signing the cremation authorization. THEN! Then, they inform us that they want to try to apply fro state assistance. ohh, boy….alright, so we explain to him how that goes. we explain that it is up to HIM to go to the Department of Human Resources. That we had to give him paperwork to go. and that if  his son has any money anywhere that they will find it and deduct that from the amount that they will pay toward a direct cremation (which isn’t a whole lot anyway), and if he owned a home or a car, they will consider that an asset as well. So, he decided to bitch about how is he suppose to know if his son had money someplace he did not know about and what is he going to do about it and why won’t we just approve him for it already! So, apparently this guy thinks that “WE” are the ones who do the approving for state aid. SO, we have to explain to him that we have NOTHING to do with state aid. We ONLY give the family the appropriate paperwork to go apply. Then we have to tell him that if he does not get an approval right away, then he has to pay the bill and we will reimburse him once we receive payment from the state. of course, he isn’t happy about that! then we also tell him that he will have to pay the permit charge if the state does not approve him ! he wasn’t happy about that either. he was also really pissed off that we will not do the removal until the bill is paid in full or he pays his portion and we get a verbal approval from the state. anyway, i was talking to a friend over the weekend about how rude people can be and how people think they can just treat others with no respect and just be down and out jerks to others. i was telling my friend about people who come into the funeral home and how they are rude to me and my staff and think that they can treat us bad. well, my friend said, “well, you have to remember that they just lost someone, so they aren’t really thinking clearly”. As much as i want to agree with my friend, I DON’T! it does not excuse you from being a total ass hole to anyone! just because so and so died, does not give you the right to treat people like shit. i have lost several people in my life and i never treated the people who were trying to help me like shit! especially those at the funeral home. all i can remember is thanking them left and right for helping us during such a difficult time. i was never rude to them, never rolled my eyes at them…..so, i told my friend that and asked if they ever lost anyone before and if so did they treat the funeral home staff like shit? just because? and they said “of course not”. well…………..geee……..

working at a funeral home . . .

i can’t say that it is fun that’s for sure! there are times when it is, i mean, when no one is instate and just there with co-workers and everyone is getting along. most of the time it is just ho-hum…..when there is a family there, it is actually boring! i hate being there during visitation. unless i am working on another funeral (arrangements). it really does take time to arrange a funeral after the family has left. there are just so many things to do and a lot of details. things that you have to do asap. things that can wait a day, but usually try to get done right away anyway, just incase.  i don’t think many people realize what goes in to and all the work that has to be done. i don’t mind it, that is actually the part of the job that i like. i know exactly what i am doing and what i have to do, what needs to be done first and so on. i just don’t understand people who call the funeral home to get the visitation times for someone…..i try my best to explain to them, but i guess some people just don’t get it if it strays away from the ‘traditional’ funeral. say i have a family that chose to have visitation from 2p/3p-9p then next day funeral services at the funeral home at 10am then process to the cemetery. so, say someone calls and asks me the times. i say viewing is from 3-9p Wednesday funeral will be at the funeral home with a 10am service then to so and so cemetery. simple, right? one would think. anyway, i get  so when is the family hour, just for family at 3pm? no, public viewing is 3-9p. (i just don’t like to say family from 2-3p because sometimes certain people think they are worthy enough to show up at those times and it is rude, so i don’t ever tell anyone when the family will be in) then they ask, okay, so the funeral will be at what church? I say, they will not be attending any church, all services are here at the funeral home. then they say, well what about afterward, are we going to a cemetery, and i repeat myself and tell them yes, after the services here at the funeral home, then you will process to so and so cemetery. all the time this happens. most of the time i get “only one day of viewing?” “there won’t be another day for those of us who can’t attend the first day?” why is it my fault that what the family chose is not good enough for you? same thing with a death notice or obit. i get asked, i hears so and so passed away and will be laid out at your funeral home but i have not seen the obituary, when will it be in the paper? or how come you did not put an obit in the paper? Well……………sometimes the family does not want it in the paper. it is up to the family if they want it in the paper. the family also has to PAY to put it in the paper and it is not cheap! so….i have to explain that the family chose not to put a notice in the paper. people are just confused as to why someone would not put a death notice in the paper! i have actually been yelled at because of this. it is not up to me!! really! i swear! i get asked ‘how are people suppose to find out?’ I DO NOT KNOW! call the family and ask them why they didn’t do it. geeezus! i had a family the other day whose mother passed away and there was to be an autopsy. the funeral home has no control over any of that! either the hospital does the autopsy or the medical examiner. NOT US! so we cannot control how fast it will be or when we will be able to go pick the body up. REALLY! we have to wait just like you! when they tell us that we can come for the body, well, thats when we will go. so back off! this family was on us for 2 days. i really really really don’t have any control over it. i even heard you on your phone with the nurse and she told you that she did not even know when they were going to do the autopsy! anyway……….they are in a hurry and wanted to get it done and over with. yeah? me too! like i always say, some families are great, but most of the time….not so much.

well, i have a couple of days off and i am going to enjoy not being at work! finally a few days off! hard to believe! oh, i’m sure i will hear the gossip though…….will upate soon.

working at a funeral home…….sometimes BLOWS!

yeah, it blows! especially when 3 people are telling you that they need 3 separate things done. you are working with a family at the same time, answering the phone and trying to get your own work done. what i can’t understand is when i am on the phone and someone sees that i am on the phone WHY do you insist on talking to me? i don’t know how many times i have been on the phone with someone and someone walks up and starts telling me that they need something done. are you kidding me!?!? i hate that! it’s rude!

so….about the white trash funeral that i wrote about last time, the 19 yr old who over dosed. well, the visitation and service went okay. their were alot of people there, not very nice people but most kept their mouths shut, some did not. apparently the brother wanted to say a few words after the Minister was done. so here is the brother speaking with the Minister about how the service is going to go, and he says that he would like to step up afterward and tell the people who are there that shouldn’t be there and that he does not care for that it is their fault that his brother is laying in the casket dead and that he will never see his brother again because of those people and they are filthy drug addicts who all deserve to be dead! how wonderful, don’t you think? COME ON! apparently the brother is also a filthy ignorant person to even want to get up and say that in a room full of people at a FUNERAL! well, thank God the Minister said that he did not feel it was appropriate to say those things, he said it is not the place or the time to bring those things up this is a funeral and that they should all just be there for each other, that he did not have to like anyone that was there, but out of respect for his deceased brother. the Minister also stated that he himself is a recovering addict and that it would not make a difference one way or another and to just let it alone. what is wrong with people. uneducated ignorant trash, that is exactly what these people are. i don’t care who is reading my blog and thinks that i am a mean heartless bitch anymore. I really cannot stand people anymore. i know i have said before that it is just not work that i run into these rude selfish people, even in the stores when i go shopping, driving, anywhere. it just seems that no one gives a shit about anyone else anymore. i know that i sound like one of those people. BUT, here is the difference. when i am at work, i am polite, helpful, sympathetic, always try to smile at people and say hello. when they ask me for things, i do them with a smile on my face, even if i can’t stand the person or the request is idiotic. when i am out shopping i move out-of-the-way for people, say excuse me and am just all around polite. when i am driving, i am the same way. although i may bitch and yell to myself in my car about some dumb fuck who is driving like a moron, but if i have someone in the car with me, well, i keep my mouth shut. I just don’t get the people out there who are just rude, walk into you, get in your way without saying excuse me, talk on their cell phones while waiting in line when there are signs ALL over the place saying NOT to use your cell phone. but all of this carries over into work. and i have to deal with these same ignorant rude people while at the funeral home. is it so much to ask of someone to just be polite? think before you speak? anyway……so after visitation was getting started, there was only an hour of visitation, this woman walks into the funeral home, apparently she is the aunt of the deceased, walks into the chapel and yells, yes yells! and she says to everyone in the room that they need to GET OUT of the room and let her family have private time with the deceased. so some people were a little confused, as well as i was, so they sat there for a minute and she starts yelling to get the fuck out of here NOW ,or does she have to grab each and every one of them by there arms and remove them herself! unbelievable! so everyone got up and had to stand around the hall way, go outside, or in the lounge and the aunt slammed the chapel doors shut! that pissed me off! she slams OUR doors shut, this is NOT your home! this is not your building! people tend to feel that they can just do whatever the fuck they feel like while at a funeral home. i guess they figure they are paying to use the facility then they can do as they wish. well, you can’t. so after while she opens the doors. after that all went pretty smooth and thank God we do not have to see these ‘people’ again, i hope!  ok, so then we have another visitation, large family, gee, can you guess what they brought in? yep, FOOD, food galore! looked like a party store in my lounge. this woman actually baked a freaking ham and brought it in. then made ham sandwiches for everyone! cookies, dips, crackers, fruit, muffins, donuts, coffee, pop, water, juice, brought in her own LARGE coffee carafe’s. even brought in table cloths for extra tables because apparently she thought that it looked tacky just having her food sit on top of a white card table. tacky is bringing in all that food and deciding to have a feast at a funeral home! i think it is gross! 

when picking up your flowers from the funeral home try to do so before the funeral home is getting ready to close. when i tell you we close at 6pm I mean that i am locking that door and walking to my car at 6pm. it doesn’t mean that you i can arrive at 6pm for ANYTHING! then you and your family bickering about who gets what floral arrangement or should uncle bob get this one and you’ll take that one and OH, aunt sue would like this one, so grab that and then tell grandpa to come here and get this one for grandma and OH, look, so and so sent this one, i think i will keep it, i should since i know them and no one else does and so on and so on and so on………..just get your freaking flowers and beat it! i have better shit to do than stand there and wait on you to decide who gets what! just freaking take them and do it at home!

I also think I may have written this before as well, but just incase………….etiquette on sending out thank you’s after a funeral. you DO NOT have to send them to everyone! you only have to send them to people who sent flowers or made a monetary donation or maybe sent a gift basket or other gift, some people now days, will send wind chimes instead of flowers, or maybe they bought a cross in place of flowers, send a fruit basket, etc…. or to those who may have not sent anything to the funeral home but sent something to your home, maybe they made some food for you to eat at home or helped you out while you were at the funeral home, maybe they let your dog out for you while you were gone all day or watered your plants, etc… you only need to send those people an acknowledgment card. and only if you want to! it is not necessary to send one to every person who signed the register book! seriously! i have so many people who say they have to get all these boxes of thank you cards (they usually cost about $8 per box of 25 some contain 35). then they end up coming back to buy more because they run out and i am always telling people what the proper etiqutte is to only send to those i have listed above. of course alot of people will disagree but that is etiquette!

I also want to mention markers. or headstones as some call them. you can purchase them thru the funeral home. at least at our funeral home. i am not sure if ALL funeral homes sell them. or you can purchase them thru the cemetery or an independent monument/marker company. our prices will be different from the cemetery or other company. one of the problems that i encounter is that people don’t understand that a marker will not be installed until after the thaw in the spring. they are only installed during certain months. people will argue with me up on side and down the other. WE DO NOT install them, the cemetery installs them! take it up with the cemetery. I am only the messenger here. also, their will be other charges, not just the cost of the marker, but the installation fee. that fee is the fee of the cemetery. you must find out from the cemetery what that fee is. yes, i will call and find out for you, but it is in your best interest to also call and find out for yourself, just incase that fee changes. also, not all cemeteries will allow just any kind of marker. so you have to follow there rules, they are not our rules, i could care less what the cemetery requires.

 

Uhhgg….another one of those…….

another pain in the ass family …….

have arrangement for a kid who is 19. he od’d at a friend’s house. mom and dad are both drug addicts, his friends are drug addicts, his girlfriend is a drug addict. there are restraining orders on his girlfriend and some of his friends. so, what a great family! so his uncle is trying to plan this kids funeral and he really doesn’t have any money…. so everything was put on hold until he could figure out how to get money for this funeral. of course they wanted a big funeral since this kid is only 19. BUT, like i said before, you can only do what you can afford, so they settled on a few hours of viewing with cremation. but they were unsure of when this was going to be because like i said the uncle is trying to get money. in the meantime i have all of this kids friends calling the funeral home trying to get information. how did he die? where is he at? when can we come see him? why is it taking so long? UHHGGHH! then the girlfriend said she was going to come up to see him whether we liked it or not! that we cannot keep her from seeing him. OH YES WE CAN! the friends have been stopping up at the funeral home insisting that they are ALL his best friends and that they want to see him NOW! and why are we keeping this from everyone. I don’t know how many times i have had to tell people, “you have to talk to the family, we are waiting on instructions from the family, they are undecided at the time about visitation”. these kids are relentless. then they ask “what does he look like”. what did the autopsy say? well, first of all the funeral home does not get the autopsy results so we do not know, and considering this just happened the autopsy report probably is not available yet anyway and when it is only the family will be able to request it. the only thing we will get is the death certificate and right now that death certificate is “pending”, which means it can take up to 3 month if not longer for the cause of death to be entered on that death certificate. these little drug riddled friends of his think we are lying to them. and all of them think they are going to get in trouble because this kid od’d at one of their homes. they are snotty and bitchy, all of them. if you think for one minute that i am going to put up with your snotty foul mouth, your wrong! you don’t come in to my funeral home and start demanding that i let you do anything! and accuse me of lying to you about his whereabouts and the cause of death. to be honest, it is none of your business whatsoever! i don’t even have to answer the door when you show up, i don’t have to talk to you on the phone, just like i did with one snotty little bitch who called and started getting in my shit because i “wouldn’t” give her the funeral arrangement time (I DON”T KNOW THEM YET!) told her that i did not have that information yet, and she would have to wait just like everyone else or contact the family and ask them what the hold up is and to please not call here again! well, apparently the uncle came up with the money and they have decided to have the funeral tomorrow. i can just imagine what the funeral home is going to look like. a bunch of ignorant trailer trash drug addicts. how much you wanna bet there will be mounds of food in our lounge and a whole gaggle of degenerates piled outside smoking cigarette after cigarette? then the uncle says that the girlfriend is no allowed in. well, got news for you, it is not our job to sit and wait for anyone to show up, i don’t know who his girlfriend is nor what she looks like. if she shows up and is not causing a problem then i can’t make her leave. if she does cause a problem then of course i will call the police, or the family can call. then the mother actually had a list of people who could not attend and tried to give me this list. first of all, how the fuck do i know who these people are? we don’t stand at the door and ask each person who enters what their names are. you don’t want them there, then you stand by the door and YOU tell them to leave. can’t fucking wait to see how this funeral is going to turn out. this is a joke! a freaking joke! geeee, just got another call while i am writing this. pain in the ass kids who think they fucking know it all. she just fucking told me that “by law” we cannot hold the body for more than 48 hours. WHAT? fuck you, you little fucking bitch. better go back to law school sweet heart. who do these kids think they are know a days? I told her i can hold the body for as long as i want. told her the funeral is tomorrow. and gave her the times. OF COURSE she is one of his best friends and would like to see him before everyone else shows up. NOPE! told her NO. you cannot come any earlier, if you do you will have to sit and wait until the family shows up. we will not let you in. she actually said to me that she has never heard of such a thing. well, yeah, she is probably right, since this girl is maybe all of 18 yrs old. I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow just so i can be a BITCH! i know i sound awful right now, but i can’t stand how these kids are these days. where are their parents? who is raising these kids to act like this? my mother would have slapped me across the mouth if i ever spoke like that to ANYONE! there are rules when it comes to viewing a body. first one is, the FAMILY goes in first. if the family wants other people to come in with them, thats fine, but it is up to them. NOT ME! so when you arrive earlier than the visitation starts, you will not be let in, i don’t care if you have a lunch date with the President of the United States or the Pope himself, you will NOT be let in until that family arrives and either tells me that you can go in with them or just lets you in themselves. It is the families right to see their loved one before anyone else. OH and to the two guys who want excuse letters for the past 3 days. UH……..NO! you will get an excuse letter for the day of the funeral ONLY! yeah, got some nasty words outta them two losers, go fuck yourself, better yet, go get stoned again. maybe some of you should have been allowed to see your friend torn open on the table after the autopsy, maybe it would sink in your heads that drugs aren’t such a great thing afterall! okay, i was going to finish there, but just had another encounter with some more of this kids retarded friends. they actually wanted to see him now. NO, he is not ready for viewing, it is tomorrow, I tell them. they said that they really don’t want to come tomorrow while everyone else is here, because, gee, guess what, they don’t get along with this kids family, I tell them too bad. they want to come first thing in the morning to see him. I explain what i just wrote above, that we cannot let anyone else in until the family sees him first. the one kids says, we won’t tell! I say “No”. the other one starts getting cocky and tells me they just might show up anyway and then what? I tell him to go ahead and show up, see what happens, YOU STILL won’t be let in. PERIOD! SO, they ask if they can come later after the funeral is over. I tell them again, NO. He will be going directly to the crematory after the service is finished. They want to know why we can’t just wait until they see him. I tell them NO, sorry, you will have to leave now, if you want to see him you will have to come back tomorrow between the hours of visitation. . So they leave, then apparently came up with the brilliant idea to call me right away and ask me if they can see the cremation. I tell them that they are not allowed to view the cremation because they are not next of kin and they do not have the next of kin okay to witness and if they did it would cost them about $300 to witness. they insisted that i was lying to them because they have never heard of in the first place that we have to actually “take” the body to a crematory. that if we were telling the truth we would be cremating him at our funeral home. I had to tell them that a funeral home is not allowed to run a crematory or a cemetery, it is again out state law. so, there are another two loser trash law students. alright, i’m done…….for now anyway…….

But….I have to eat my lunch!

I’m not sure if I wrote about this the other day or not, but anyway, I had an arrangement one day last week that was scheduled for 1pm. The funeral arrangements were pre-arranged, and it was just a Simple Cremation (no viewing, no visitation, just take body to crematory and then crematory deliver cremains to us, family picks up). Even though it was pre-arranged, the family still must come in to sign all the proper paperwork and sometimes they still owe some money. Well, of course we had a funeral that day and the Director had scheduled that arrangement at 1pm because she knew that she would be back by then. We also had another family coming in at 2:30pm for another arrangement, so 1pm was perfect. Well, about 12pm I get a call from the mother of the deceased. Now mind you, the deceased was only 38 yrs old. Well, she asked me , or rather told me, that she was coming from home, which is about 1/2 hour away from the funeral home, but that “they” have not ate lunch yet, so she was wondering if they could just come after lunch. I asked well, what time would that be. She replied, in a disgusted tone, that she has no idea what time they would be done, how does she know how long it will take for them to be seated and served and then to eat. GEEZUS! I said, “NO”, you have to come at 1pm because we have another appt. at 2:30p. She asked if they could come after 2:30pm? I again, said “NO”, because I have no idea how long it will take for the other arrangement to finish up, just like she doesn’t know how long it will take to eat lunch………………!!!  She continued to bitch about her not getting to eat lunch before they came in and that she hasn’t ate anything all day. Well, you know what, not my problem, what I can’t wrap my head around is the fact that your 38 yr old son just died and you are more concerned about what you’re going to shove down you neck for lunch. Anyway, she finally said, that they would make it by 1pm. Then of course once they arrive, the mother just can’t understand why she had to come here in the first place if it was all pre-arranged. Well, like ALL of the people who pre-arrange funeral for someone, they are told that at the time of death they are still required to come to the funeral home to finalize the arrangement. Which typically means, if it is a Simple Creation, to sign the appropriate paper work. In some cases pre-arranged nerals are done maybe a few months ahead of time, and some people decide that they are going to make payments toward the funeral. Well then death occurs and there is still an outstanding balance. Well, you have to come into pay the rest of the bill. Sign paperwork, let us know how many Death Certificates you want. AND MOST of the time people decide to make changes!

When calling a funeral home to ask about pricing, if you are calling to find out how much “just” a cremation is, be more specific. Say you want cremation, but you also want viewing before the body is cremated. Well, that is a different charge than JUST a cremation. I will give out the price of a simple cremation, but then add that it does not include any viewing just the removal from place of death, the cost of the cremation fees, all taxes and that is it. IF you want something more than that, please say so. Say, I want to know how much for 1 day of viewing with cremation, no church service, everything to conclude at funeral home, then the body cremated. I know that it is very confusing, but what will happen is if you call ANY funeral home, and you ask that you are going to get JUST a simple cremation price. I also don’t get why people insist on telling me once I do give them a price on a funeral, why I need to know that so and so funeral home will do it for X amount of dollars why don’t we? Well, because we don’t that’s why. If you like their prices better than go there. I don’t care what X funeral home charges. Also don’t come in with an attitude that you are not going to pay what we charge because so and so is cheaper. Again, go there then! I have a family right now who cannot make up their minds because they don’t have any money, so the poor guy is laying in morgue right now waiting on the family to make up their minds. Of course, this family want a viewing, 2 days, service the 3rd day. Then they want to go to church, then have a procession to the cemetery. Again, and I know I have said it a million times, THIS IS EXPENSIVE! oh and did I say they also HAVE to have 2 limo’s? COME ON! Who is the limo’s for? It certainly isn’t for the deceased because he is going to be in the hearse! But yet, sit in front of me and carry on that you just want to do right by your father and give him a nice funeral. Not only is our charges going to expensive for this type of funeral but now you have added on the donation to the church, you also have to pay the cemetery charges. For one you don’t even have a plot at the cemetery, which you will now have to purchase, then you will have to pay opening and closing cost which run about $1000.00 !! Then you want to add 2 Limo’s on to that? Come on. Not to mention, the casket you picked out cost $2800.00 and the vault, which you wanted to better one, but we actually said that the least expensive one will be just fine, because we are TRYING to help you with the money issue, anyway, the vault is $600. So, for someone who has no money to pay for the funeral you sure do want alot! be realistic. No one is going to judge you because you can’t have a big huge funeral. And if they do, then tell them to fork over some cash for it then! Time are tough. Are you really doing this for grandpa or are you doing this to show off? My guess at this point is Grandpa wants to get the hell outta the morgue and be done with it! Because now they are saying that another funeral home can do it a few hundred cheaper. Like I said before, then go! and I don’t mean to sound harsh when I say that, I mean it as I understand. If someone can do the same thing for you and you are going to be happy then by all means GO! I WOULD!